Broke Ass Financial Coaching: Coming Out of The Financial Closet
While being young, broke and beautiful is all well and good, some people’s finances are more jacked than others. That’s why we’ve invited Betsy Crouch (aka Coach $izzle) to come onboard and dole out some much needed advice. She is a professional financial coach after all. If you’ve got a question you’d like answered please email her at. Maybe your question will be the next one answered.
What can I do to dramatically shift to a more confident relationship with money? – C.C.
Many people ask me questions like this. Of course around New Years people make resolutions to take steps to dramatically improve major areas of life. There is never a perfect time and therefore always the right time to “come out of the financial closet.”
If you want to get different results you need to do something differently.
In the first article I wrote for Broke-Ass Stuart.com I offered a challenge to “Face it” and take on one financial challenge. Many of you have given me feedback that this one step has helped you make a shift. Do you have a tendency to spend a significant amount of time thinking about financial issues compared to taking action on them?
Many clients of mine have experienced huge shifts in their relationship with money. They feel dramatically more confident in their ability to handle their finances. Their strength and courage has grown as a result of challenging themselves to have difficult conversations. As a result their net worth has improved. Why? They had the courage to be honest with themselves and others.
Having a difficult conversation about finances is a coming out of sorts. When I dated a woman for the first time I was totally closeted. The amount of energy it took to keep that secret was enormous. I made up horrible stories in my head about how my friends and family would react to me having a girlfriend. After talking about it, I remember saying, “that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” which is exactly what clients say about having the difficult conversation. I felt a huge relief. I didn’t realize how much energy hiding it took until I gave up hiding it. I was able to put that energy towards things I did want to experience in my life versus focusing on the things I didn’t want to experience.
Want to have a huge shift? Have the difficult conversation.
Are you feeling stuck or confused financially? Do you feel like you “should,” know how to handle something? Are you embarrassed that you can’t pay X bill on time? Do you wish you were “different” with your finances? Do you feel embarrassed or mad at yourself for experiencing a particular financial situation? Is there something you have been “putting up with,” that you just can’t take anymore?
STEP 1: The person you first need to have a difficult conversation with is YOU.
What would this conversation consist of? Let me help you: “Hey me, let’s look at the financial situation. Where does everything stand? Does my financial situation mean I am a bad person? No. Does it mean I am stupid? No. Can you change what has happened in the past? No. Are you the only person who has every experienced this? Probably not. Is there something major in my life that is not working for me/causing me stress that I know I need to change? Let’s ask for help. Let’s create some action steps and take action. When urgent action is not necessary, let’s practice letting the thoughts go, until the next time in the schedule when we are taking action.”
STEP 2: Identify a person/company/organization with whom you are avoiding having a conversation.
Is there a person/company/organization who you owe money to who you have avoided? Is there a person with whom you would like to discuss your financial concerns/dreams/goals/career? Do you want to create or change financial agreements? Do you want to ask for advice or help?
The m0st common difficult conversations are with a boss, a partner, a parent, a landlord, or a company.
STEP 3: Have the difficult conversation.
The bottom line is this, when you open up communication you will usually find that the story you create in your head about what is happening is worse than what ends up happening.
A client wanted to relinquish certain responsibilities, and renegotiate agreements with her boss. Her boss resisted at first but then accepted her wishes and renegotiated the agreement. Her confidence skyrocketed and she felt a huge weight lift. Then she had the courage to have another difficult conversation. That conversation resulted in her collecting $1000 from a company that she had long given up hope getting a refund from.
“If I hadn’t had this change in my mindset over the last month, I know I never would have had the confidence to ask for this,” she said.
Are YOU ready to come out and have a difficult conversation?
If you have any questions or if you would like any guidance on having your difficult conversation, feel free to email me at, firstname.lastname@example.org.