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Hangover Cures from Your Fellow Broke-Asses

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On this, one of the most hangover laden weekends of the year, you’re probably curled up in a ball apologizing to your stomach and liver and wishing that Abraham Lincoln had never invented alcohol. One thing that has gotten me through times like this are the funny/genius cures offered up by the Young, Broke and Beautiful Broke-Asses of the Week. Below are a few of my favorites, in hopes that you will benefit from their wisdom as I have. Hang in there doods.

Sigmund Amadeus Werndorf: A full on, traditional Irish breakfast. Nothing drives out the hangover better then three kinds of meat, three kinds of carbohydrates, and no fruit or vegetables.

Chris from The Skint: Drink a ton of water before you go to sleep, and for god’s sake don’t drink without eating dinner (reminder to self).

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Kate Kotler: Besides Xanex, water and sleep? A Bloody Mary at the Zeitgeist and perhaps a tamale to follow.

Monica the Intern: A joint in a warm shower, followed by ½ of the eggs in a tasty nest at the Pork Store. Pop two painkillers, eat half of your plate, pass out, and have the rest later. Works everytime.

Kelly Malone: Ashamed to admit it, but a McDonald’s double cheeseburger, a Revive Vitamin Water, 2 Flintstones vitamins and a ton of aspirin.

Paul T. Alkaly: Emergen-C (raspberry) plus an Advil and Brunch at Five Leaves then return home for a Sunday afternoon of Blossom season 1 and 2 DVD

Mike Force: Odwalla’s Superfood and a very long walk. I once had a hangover that wouldn’t stop unless I was walking, so I walked for hours.

Matt Haney: Kombucha. I have no idea what is in those things, but any drink that has living things inside of it has to be able to work magic. If anything the little sea monkeys in there will give new life to whatever the alcohol has destroyed.

Jeff Cleary: I’ve devoted most of my life to the scientific research of this subject. If you’re lucky, you’ll remember to have a glass of water after every 3rd drink. If it’s too late and you wake up with a monster hangover the only thing I’ve found that works is a long hot shower. Just linger in there for a while and let the water run off your head, then go back to bed. Old, obese cats are great for hangovers, too. They’re always game for sleeping it off, which is great.

Jay H.: I heard that is was a banana to replace lost potassium and to drink lots of water'.but I hate bananas, so I just drink water and make ramen '“ chicken flavored.

Todd Montesi: A cup of tea usually works. Followed by jerking off. And weeping. Then death. It’s the David Carradine cocktail (too soon or too late for that reference?).

Lawrence Bonk: I usually just end up in bed chanting 'œoh God' over and over until it passes, which doesn’t happen for many, many hours. The part of my brain that is able to rationalize things positively shuts down during a hangover.

Kevin Montgomery: Shut your mouth and deal with it.

Kelli Rudick: There’s no hangover if you simply sleep through the next day entirely.

Julia Wertz: Just keep on drinkin’

image from boston.com
image from boston.com

Gene Miguel: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but what fun is there in preventing a hangover? Get wasted first then deal with it the next day. My solution is a steaming hot bowl of pho with every part of the cow in it, served with a cup of hot tea and a hilarious recap of the previous night.

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Alison Lambert - Half Price Headliner

Alison Lambert - Half Price Headliner

Ali was born and raised in the Wholesome/Creepy capital of the world, Salt Lake City, UT. Once she was old enough to blow that pop stand she escaped to the place that was the anti-SLC: The Peoples Gay-public of Drugifornia aka San Francisco (holla 30 Rock!). You can now find her throughout this glorious city slurping Pho and scheming with her best friend Pinky doing what they do every night; try and take over the world.

5 Comments

  1. glasslung
    January 3, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I am going to try those all.

    Today.

  2. Kiley E - Ragamuffin Researcher
    January 3, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    My favorites aside from sleep are: gatorade, spicy food, and working up a sweat.

  3. SFMel
    January 5, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Whoa whoa, the first recommendation is forgetting one of the best parts of an Irish breakfast: delicious fried tomato, properly pronounced tomahto.

  4. miguel librero
    July 2, 2010 at 11:59 am

    a hang over is the result of a major sugar crash, dehydration, and energy exertion. water and food IS awesome but i immediately feel better within 10 minutes of drinking a slurpee. i shit you not. its basically sugar water. you need to also replace the sugars you used up.

    also- you need to purge your body of all that crap you just put into your body last night. you do need to eat something to soak up the rest of the alcohol in your stomach, but it helps to take a couple of dumps to rid your body of it. or else youre going to be walking around with a toxic digestive system and youre going to feel like shit until you clean your system.

    quick recap:

    slurpee- MANDATORY
    replenish your body- the sooner the better
    take a shit now, or feel like shit all day. your choice

  5. […] Hating life in general. The only option now is damage control, so try one or all of our hangover cures (my favorite – “Just keep on drinkin”). Sixty percent of the time they work, […]