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Cheap Fetish

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According to, to fetishize is to '˜regard an object with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.’  There are many things in my day-to-day life that, for me, hold these powers.  Call it magical thinking (shout out to my shrink!), call it insanity, but when I am anticipating difficulty, I turn to my fetishes to get me through.  I have a few things onto which I place special powers.  Pens, for example, are for me a main hub of enchantment.  Using a special pen I stole from a hair salon can help me cram for a deadline.   Using an '˜upscale’ pen I bought from my favorite bookstore can help me deal with a difficult person. Depending on the day even a FREE pen from TD Bank can generally make me feel articulate and interesting.  Accordingly, I have a very large pen collection and get borderline violent when someone tries to steal one.

This habit remains inexpensive because pens are easily stolen and, if worse comes to worse,  cheap to purchase.  I run into more problems with my other fetish: carbonated water. My tastes run from fancy French brands to your everyday American spring water variety. Nothing takes the edge off of a busy day or helps me focus more than seltzer water or '˜power water’ as I am fond of calling it. I have achieved amazing things while hopped up on power water and I don’t know if I can live without it.  Because my habit was slowly taking over my life and wallet  I began to make ridiculous rules to curb my addiction such as ‘only three bottles before bed’.  Even with my restrictions, my habit became expensive and eventually I resolved to give it up'until now.  I recently received from my amazing enabler, the Sodastream brand drink carbonator


If you can get past the semi-terrifying CO2 tank that you must install, it is effortless.  All you have to do is pour water into the specially adapted bottles, screw the bottle into the machine and hold down the button till the machine buzzes. VIOLA!  You can even achieve varying degrees of carbonation with the number of buzzes you choose to go for.   I have found that I prefer to start the day with a little softer carbonation, gently increasing throughout the day ending in the evening with a stiff drink… around 5 buzzes from the machine.

So far I have lost count of the number bottles of perfectly carbonated water I have made' and the tank has yet to run out.  When it does, all I have to do is get it refilled (one place is Brooklyn Kitchen).

Not only is this contraption a money saver, it is a planet saver too. I have barely any guilt and shame about my hard core addiction now that I am not discarding all those plastic bottles. Since the Sodastream does not need to be plugged in, I am actually considering stuffing it in my bag and bringing it with me from place to place during the day.    Or better yet, I could just not leave my apartment.  I mean, I don’t really need much else in life other than my magic pens and my power seltzer.  Ok, this is getting scary.

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Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine was born and raised in the land of the Pilgrims, Plymouth, Massachusetts. She turned in her buckled shoes when she moved to NYC to attend NYU. From that esteemed University she received her BFA in theatre as well as a Master's Degree in Performance Studies in 2004.
Now an actor, writer and broke ass day-jobber, Christine juggles her many personas with the elegance of a red panda. specifically the one in the Prospect Park Zoo . . . soooooo cute! She can be found most often in her own habitat on the Northside of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.