Broke-Ass of the Week – Comedian Brent Weinbach
Every week we feature a different person from the community shedding a little light on their life of brokeitude. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something about the human spirit'probably not.
Wanna be a Broke-Ass of the Week? Holler at us here and we’ll send you the questionnaire.
Brent Weinbach is one of those names that’s been bouncing around the peripherals of my consciousness for awhile. It’s like, I know I’d heard of him a bunch of times (probably through America’s Radio Sweetheart Jesse Thorn), but I wasn’t sure where. All I knew was that everyone said he was super funny.
You know when you’re out and about and you meet someone cute, how you go home and check them out on Facebook? Well, I did the same kinda stalker shit to Brent, except I watched his comedy clips instead of trying to find a picture of him in a bikini to beat off too. Then I did actually find a picture of him in a bikini and beat off to it. But that’s a whole other story…
Check out Brent’s hilarious answers to my asinine questions below and then check out his clips that I linked to above. Since I know you’ll like it, I should let you know that
SHOWDATE: Thursday through Saturday, January 21-23, 2009
SHOWTIME: 8:00pm and 10:00pm (Fri. and Sat. only)
SHOWPLACE: Punch Line Comedy Club, 444 Battery St., SF, CA 94111
ADMISSION: $15-21 (+2 drink min.) But much cheaper here.
Name: Brent Weinbach
Occupation: I say the word “penis” a lot of times, and then I talk about poo.
What neighborhood do you live in?: I used to live in a neighborhood that had an abandoned house. I explored the house one day and discovered that the house was inhabited by a homeless transvestite who wore a mop on his head as a wig. It was a mystery and an adventure. I felt like a Hardy boy.
What are you listening to these days?: Hardcore smooth jazz. Because is makes my life seem like a movie, as if I’m a co-star in an erotic thriller, driving around town on a hot city night.
Best money saving tip: I kept saving my money only to spend it on things like getting my car out of the impound which was towed for unfair reasons and plastic surgery for my father’s face. I decided recently to start spending money on myself, because I should enjoy it, not the tow company. So my money saving tip is this: spend it and enjoy it, because if you don’t, it’s only going to go towards the beautification of my father’s face.
What do you refuse to spend money on?: I refuse to spend money on Roni. He’s just so ungrateful. Whenever I spent money on him in the past, he would just act as if he deserved to be treated that way. Forget you, Roni, I’m not spending money on you anymore. You don’t deserve it.
Most expensive thing you’ve ever bought: Once, I bought Roni a membership to the RRFC (Robert Redford Fan Club).
How’d that feel?: I guess it was fine because the RRFC doesn’t actually exist. Neither does Roni. But you want to know what does exist? www.KevinCostner.com. It really does. Look it up for yourself.
Favorite cheap eat: El Zocolo in the Mission District. The have pupusas for $2.00 a piece (they used to be $1.50 a piece). Two pupusas and you’re set for the night. And I’ve never seen a roach there. This place in Berkeley, however, once, I was eating there and I saw a hair in my food. I pulled the hair out and it turned out to be the antenna to a roach, and I ended up pulling the whole roach out of the food. I showed it to my waiter and he said, “Ha ha ha, at least you know it’s fresh!” And it did, in fact, taste very fresh. I think they were free range roaches. Actually, I think all roaches are free range.
Favorite dive bar: I don’t like bars, because they’re all loud and sticky. I don’t want to get all that stickiness on me. I don’t want to be sticky. That’s why I don’t like glitter. I hate glitter and I wish girls (and certain guys) didn’t wear it. It gets all over the place and you can’t get it off of you. You can’t get it off your clothes. Imagine a sticky dive bar with a glitter theme! That would be the ultimate worst.
Best deal you’ve ever gotten: Once, my butthole looked like a scrotum with a third testicle inside of it. What a spiritual experience it was for my third testicle to open. Diarrhea gave that to me for free!
Favorite free thing to do: My favorite free thing to do is laugh. My second favorite free thing to do is sleep. Because when I sleep, I get to dream. And my dreams are much, much more exciting than what goes on in my real life. But I will say, there was this one time, my dream was so boring, it woke me up.
If you woke up a millionaire, what’s the first thing you’d buy?: I would by a Safeway. Just imagine walking into a Safeway and being able to get anything you wanted. I would get everything!
Despite not having money, do you still love your life?: I believe it was the television program “Kid Nation” who once coined the phrase, “Money is the root of all evil.” And I believe it was I who once coined the phrase, “If you can achieve it, you can dream it.” And when you dream it you will then learn the true meaning of world penis.
Do you own my book?: No, but I saw the movie.
Best hangover cure: Just say no to drugs. Ronald Reagan is inside of me. And he should be inside all of us.
Are you a hipster?: I don’t wear Bugle Boy jeans, so no. But Roni still wears Jordache. Does that make me a hipster?