Broke-Ass of the Week

Broke-Ass of the Week – Animator Patrick Hosmer

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Every week we feature a different person from the community shedding a little light on their life of brokeitude.  Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something about the human spirit'probably not.

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Patrick is a TV animator.  Like for real.  He even has his own IMDB page.  He also has a crazy website called HeyMister.net where he doodles, posts pictures, and deconstructs really strange bits of American culture.  And he’s hilarious.  What you don’t believe me?  Then read below.

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Name: Patrick Hosmer

Age: 27

Occupation: Animator for TV, Website-Haver (www.heymister.net) for Fun.

What neighborhood do you live in?: Park Slope, Brooklyn

Best money saving tip: Sneak a flask into the bar. By the time you have to start paying for drinks it’ll feel like a lovely bonus.  Actually, just always have a flask. They make everything fun and it’s a great way to make friends. And sharing secrets turns into adventures.

What do you refuse to spend money on?: The extra thing of BBQ sauce at McDonald’s. If ketchup is free, so is BBQ sauce. If you just ask for it after you paid and act like you’re in a hurry, they will always shrug and just give it to you. I love me some BBQ Sauce.

Most expensive thing you’ve ever bought: Just bought a computer.

How’d that feel?: It was one of those moments where my brain said to itself: “You better be talented, motherfucker.”

Favorite cheap eat: The Endless Summer Taco Truck on North 7th Street and Bedford. Chipotle charges like $2.50 for guacamole? That’ll buy you a meal at the truck. Also, they have corn on the cob. It’s out of control.

Favorite dive bar: Holiday Cocktail Lounge on St. Marks. It’s all straight booze with no frills. All the liquor bottles are plastic. I don’t even think they have ice. There’s fist holes in the wall. It’s not a place I frequent enough to get to know the bartenders but they’re old and crazy enough to forget if you paid. Also, ya know. Bring a flask. Good place to start the night. Bad place to end the night.

Best deal you’ve ever gotten: I lost my driver’s license when I was in college and for about month I was walking around using my passport as my ID. A shady Italian gentlemen saw me using it at a bar and offered me $400 for it. And that’s pre-recession dollars! He said he’d go to an ATM right now and buy it straight up, no questions asked. And tomorrow I could just report I lost it. I hesitated so he upped his offer to $600. He jumped right over $500! Who does that? A dude who needs a passport really badly, I reckon. I said no. But man… what a deal!

Favorite free thing to do: For a couple years I knew a trick where if you went straight to the ticket-takers at the Regal Cinemas at Union Square and said you worked for “E-Works,” they’d let you right in. You and your friends. I never knew why; my friend taught it to me and she never knew why either. It was great while it lasted. By the time the theater got wise, I’m sure every punk in New York aged 15 – 85 was an employee of “E-Works.” Too bad it doesn’t work anymore. Now, it’s probably reading magazines at Barnes & Noble. But I don’t sit on the floor, I hate that.

If you woke up a millionaire, what’s the first thing you’d buy?: Blueberry pancakes, bacon and coffee. I just woke up, right? The last three times I’ve tried to order them at different establishments, they’ve always been out of blueberries. It’s maddening. That’s one of those things where I think I would literally do anything for some motherfucking blueberries. After breakfast I’d buy a brownstone. Wait, did you say millionaire? Shit, nevermind. I guess just a studio somewhere in Queens. Also, I’d buy the domain name heymister.com. My design company is called Mister and I have heymister.net but the .net has always bothered me because it reminds me of Netscape Navigator. Anyway, bidding on heymister.com starts at something like $5,000 so I’d buy the shit out of that any other variation on Mister.

Despite not having money, do you still love your life?: Do you need money to sleep? Psh.

Do you own my book?: I’m just hoping I have a friend who owns your book so I can borrow it and never give it back.

Best hangover cure: I had an exchange student from England once and his hangover cure was to buy a loaf of bread at a bakery, tear off one end and hollow it out, slather the inside with ketchup and then fill it with potato chips. It’s not that. Any permutation of a sausage, egg and cheese will do me right. Black coffee. People shutting up.

Are you a hipster?: If I say no, that means yes, right? This is one of those questions that turns into a black hole.

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.