Dear Anna G, I Love C*ck (Or Do I?)
Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged into my inbox. Someone actually wants my advice! Let’s take a gander:
I don’t know what to do, I’ve been hooking up with his guy off and on for over a year and I want to be boo-ed up for one reason only – his liter sized penis! Recently I broke things off because well, I want a dude with some goals other than who can cover his shift on the weekend. But, I start to get cravings and we’re back on. With that being said, he’s a cool guy and everything satisfies. I’m contemplating texting, but my friends say to let it go, but how can I even being to tell them about the wonders that behold in his boxers!!. Am I an asshole for liking someone for solely this reason? I mean dudes dig ” big racks of lamb” and or “Kimashian Ass” but I’m not hating cause I want a dude with a plentiful member. I know there are other ladies who can relate- what do I do?
-In a Sticky Wicket
Dear Sticky Wicket,
I think it’s pretty clear what’s happening here. You’re using this dude’s large member to excuse your own weakness for him. For whatever reason, I think you totally like this guy, except you know you shouldn’t, so you’re choosing to “blind yourself with cock”, if you will. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking a nice fat saugeesh, but that’s no basis for a real relationship. If you were appropriately detached from him emotionally, I would just advise you to carry on. However, it seems like you want a bf situation, and this guy’s penis is the only redeemable thing that you can find about him. That’s pretty lame, honestly.
Though, there’s also something else going on here, I think, and there are quite a a few people I know who do this– settle for some guy that’s familiar to them simply because they’re familiar. It’s kind of the equivalent of going to Applebees in every American city you visit because you know what you’re gonna get, instead of risking trying a local, regional restaurant with food that you may not end up liking. Well, if that’s the case and you just can’t risk anything, you might as well just start shopping at the M&Ms store in Times Square. But is that what you really want, Sticky? Sizzling skillets and Riblets until the cows come home? What the hell are Riblets, anyway?
Sticky, what I have to say to you is: fuck the Po-lice. This is what you should do: (1) Promptly delete his number, (2) Forget you ever knew him, and (3) find another one of the 80 thousand large-cocked people in the world who actually have something to offer you besides their peni. Again, no need to feel guilty about liking huge cocks, but like, seriously, go to a real “diner”, ifyouknowwhatImean. And I think that you do.
xo Anna G.
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