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Don’t Spread the Clap: FREE NYC STD Clinics

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Valentine’s Day is Sunday. Before you go get you some lovin’, make sure it’s the only VD you’ve got. The same government program that stocks every bar with NYC condoms also runs STD screening clinics in all of the boroughs that offer FREE screenings for the HIV, the clap, syphilis, and everything else you learned about in high school health class.

All you need to do is show up, fill out some paper work, and wait for your number to get called. Then nurses will take your blood, make you pee in a cup, and swap the inside of your cheek. They run the HIV rapid testing, so you know your results that day. In a few weeks, you call back to get the results for the rest of the STDs. (They also offer counseling and help with treatment if you’ve got something). The wait time varies by day, so make sure you bring something to read. Sometimes you’re in and out, and other times you’re in the waiting room for the duration of Kids. Other times, you’re waiting to hear your results and dudes you’ve hooked up with text you a few days after your cat had kittens and says, “How’s your pussy?” to be clever/dirty, and you’re freaked out by his divine sense of comedic timing. In any case, any time you spend waiting in the STD Clinics is totally worth knowing your stuff downstairs is clean and ready for action.

For locations and hours in all five boroughs, click here.

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Kiley E - Ragamuffin Researcher

Kiley E - Ragamuffin Researcher

After years of denial, Kiley has finally admitted to baring a striking resemblance to Velma from Scooby Doo. Instead of traveling in a van hunting ghosts, she prefers wandering on foot in search of tacos, cheap beer, and fake birds. Growing up in Portland, Kiley enjoyed the balance of urban and green spaces. Then she spent her four years at Ithaca College, and found herself craving more sprawling asphalt in her life. So she moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where most of the buildings look like they're about to collapse. Kiley's favorite activities include: getting lost, crafting, sewing, biking, and geeking out at museums. Her love of taxidermy probably makes her a terrible vegetarian, but she doesn't care.