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Q: What does a Broke-Ass need more than anything?

A: A vacation.

Q: And what is a destination that no Broke-Ass can afford?

A: The Hamptons.

Ah, The Hamptons: The crème-de-la-crème of exclusive beach destinations.  The place where celebrities such as Christie Brinkley, Nathan Lane and Mr. & Mrs. J-Lo go to sun themselves and “rub elbows” (what a strange expression) with one another.  Now all Broke-Asses have a chance to win a free weekend in the Hamptons from the luxury sun care line, Hampton Sun.

If I won that contest I would try my hardest to “rub elbows” (something!) with Sean ‘P-Diddy’ Combs.  If I did, I think it would go something like this'

Christine:  Yo, Sean Jean, Puff Daddy, P-Diddy, Combs, how are you?  I really like your clean, crisp, white suit…. and your giant…mansion.

[Christine grabs one glass of champagne from a server…thinks about it, then grabs another]

P. Diddy: Hey C-bag. Thank you so much for accepting my invitation.  It has been years now that I have been trying to get you to come here.  You are looking amazing.  Did you lose weight?  It must seem that way because you are sporting a beautiful, deep, dark, tan.  However, something is different about you.  It must be that your skin doesn’t seem leathery like these Long Island whores I hang out with all day long.

C: Yes, you are right! I keep my skin supple and soft with Hampton Sun’s skincare/suncare line.  I use the sunless-tanner to give me this glow and I block the harmful rays of the sun with their line of sunscreens.  They moisturize and protect like no other brand.  Oh, and they make your skin smell good too.

P: Really?  I can’t smell it.

C: Move a little closer.

P: Can’t smell it.

C: Closer.

P: Can’t smell it.

C: Closer.

P: Can’t smell it.

C: Closer.

P: Can’t-

C: CLOSER!

The End.

Ok well, as you can see in that amazing bit of playwrighting '“ Hampton Sun’s products are just the best.  They truly are.  And now you can win a weekend in the Hamptons (P. Diddy and his party not included) by going to www.hamptonsuncare.com and registering.

Next week: A dialogue with Edie Bouvier Beale of Grey Gardens.

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Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine was born and raised in the land of the Pilgrims, Plymouth, Massachusetts. She turned in her buckled shoes when she moved to NYC to attend NYU. From that esteemed University she received her BFA in theatre as well as a Master's Degree in Performance Studies in 2004.
Now an actor, writer and broke ass day-jobber, Christine juggles her many personas with the elegance of a red panda. specifically the one in the Prospect Park Zoo . . . soooooo cute! She can be found most often in her own habitat on the Northside of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.