Sex and Dating

Long Distance Dating

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I am and always have been really against long distance relationships.  They’re either unbearably torturous or completely pointless, or maybe both.  Sometimes, though, you find yourselves the victims of circumstance, and you just kind of have to deal with it.  But how to deal?  Here are my nuggets of wisdom:

1) Think long and hard if this shit makes any sense whatsoever

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If you don’t have any real plans to ever be together in the same city…like EVER, it kind of begs the question: what’s the point?  I mean, I guess if this type of relationship is fulfilling on both ends, then go for it.  But if either of you aren’t totally happy, then it’s ridiculous to try and fool yourselves, no matter how much you legitimately care for the person.

2) There needs to be incredibly clear rules with regards to seeing other people

Because god help you if you break the rules.  God. Help. You.  As far as being able to see other people vs not being able to see other people and all the complexities therein, respectively, that’s for you guys to decide.  All I’m saying is that it might be unreasonable, depending on the amount of time and the total length of relationship, to expect people to remain celibate.  That’s all I’m going to say.

3) Don’t make crazy and rash decisions with regards to the level of your relationship

If you probably wouldn’t get married (or move in together, or whatever) right now, it’s most likely not a great idea to rush into it because you feel pressured that you or your significant other is leaving, or you feel like you can’t go on living anymore if you continue to be apart from them.  If something doesn’t work out timing-wise, that’s just the way it goes sometimes.  Don’t try to force shit because you think you’ll never meet anyone like them again.  You most likely will.  There are tons of people in the world.  And even if you don’t meet anyone you remotely like for the rest of your life, who fucking cares?  At least you didn’t ruin your life for someone else.

4) Don’t become a weird hermit

Just because you’re sad you can’t be with your significant other, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with OTHER people you care about.  If you lock yourself up in your room every weekend, you’ll just alienate yourself from everyone who actually IS there and create a weird co-dependent relationship with your absent partner. Plus, not everyone can pull off that long beard and cloak look.

5) Maybe that kiss between you and that guy that you can’t get out of your head really does mean something

Listen, none of us are perfect.  As long as one makes a valiant effort to respect other people, and listen to your feelings, that’s all anyone can ever ask of one.  Maybe that kiss between you and Brody or whoever means that you really DO like Brody, or maybe it just means you’re not as into Marco in Vancouver as much as you thought you were.  I just thought I’d use name examples from the imaginary teen drama I made up in my head.

6) If at all possible, do not assign a sentimental indie rock song to your relationship

Because you will never, ever be able to listen to that song again without bursting out in tears and/or cringing.  Ever.  Sense memory is a sadistic and cliched sonofabitch.

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Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.


  1. Kat
    June 28, 2010 at 10:49 am

    My boyfriend and I are going on one year this Saturday, and we’ve been doing the long distance thing (2.5-3 hours apart by car, significantly more by train) for the entirety of our relationship. My friend and former college roommate and her now husband were in a long distance relationship between San Diego and St. Paul for the first 2 years of their relationship.

    I’d add these “nuggets” to your list:

    1. If you decide to move to the same town as your far away love, do yourself a favor and don’t move in together right away, even if you’ve been together for years. Get a roommate/roommates, take that rowing class or whatever it is that you’ve wanted to do and make your own friends, and get your own life. Because nothing puts pressure on a relationship more than “I moved my life across the world to be with you and now I have nothing of my own.”So, don’t do that.

    2. Take advantage of technology. Long distance relationships are half the reason things like video chat exist (well, that, and porn). Do you both have iphones? Check out the Knocking Live Video app (it’s free) and you can share live video with your sweetheart.

    3. Don’t take too much advantage of technology, and even if you think you can trust your beloved, don’t, under any circumstance, share your passwords. As if all of the nitwit celeb sex tapes aren’t enough of an example to follow on what not to do, here’s a less publicized true story. A friend of mine in college took drunken, naked pictures of himself and sent them to his long distance girlfriend one night via email. Months later when they broke up and his ex became a scorned lover, she logged into his email and aol chat profiles (I know, remember when we used that?) and sent those pictures to everyone in his address book and on his friends lists. Nothing like explaining that one to your boss, your grandmother, and the exes you still talk to, for that matter.

    4. When you do get to be together, don’t feel like you have to schedule every minute of every day you’re together to make sure that it’s extra “special.” The point of being with someone is that it’s special just to be with them. It’s one thing to say “Let’s be tourists today,” but it’s another to say “I want to make sure that everything that happens this weekend memorable.” Two moments I am particularly fond of remembering with my boyfriend involved lounging on the couch after making breakfast together one day, and going for a drive at night in no particular direction. Your wallet will thank you, your time together will be more relaxed, and rather than worrying about getting from one place to another or packing a bunch of events into a weekend, you’ll be able to focus your attention on enjoying your company.

  2. […] could waste months of your life on Skype, or turn into one of those weird hermit people! Share and […]

  3. August 5, 2010 at 4:31 am

    Dating is always amazing event.
    But the tips here are just outstanding about the Long Distance Relationships.