Arts and Culture

Does Playing Lacrosse Lead to Rape?

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What with Mel Gibson’s recent outburst, this particular story has not gotten the media “buzz” that I feel it so richly deserves, but nevertheless, I will continue.

I guess, like a lot of people, I’m horrified and saddened and everything else about what happened with Judy Blume’s grandson. Yes, for those not in the know, Blume’s grandson allegedly raped a girl at a party at Blume’s house. Details are sketchy but we know two things for sure:

1. Kid’s name is Elliot Blume-Pickle

2. He played'.wait for it'.lacrosse.

I can’t imagine what Judy Blume is thinking right now. But I know what you’re thinking, cause I’m thinking the very same thing: How could someone with such an adorable name ever commit so heinous an act?  The mind swims.

Elliot, right off the fucking bat, makes me think only of this:


And then Blume-Pickle? Blume-Pickle?  PICKLE?

Get right the hell out of here with that, you lovable scamp! Rape-shmape, you’re just so adorable.

But rape is not cute, and this whole sordid mess seems, tragically, like pretty well worn territory: some rich kid at his parents fancy ass Cape House gets wasted and bad shit goes down. I can almost see the Restoration Hardware fixtures and the Garnet Hill bedding and smell the peony room fragrance diffuser sticks left out in the guest bedroom.

Maybe also, it’s about time that we as a society realized how much being a lacrosse player factors into a person’s likelihood of being convicted of sexual assault. You put a lacrosse stick in a boy’s hands, and sooner or later he’s gonna rape somebody, or at least be wrongly accused of rape. It seems unfair to say it, I know, but I don’t make the rules people. By now one would think that the formula should be clear to everyone, yet the sport continues to exist, sanctioned and even funded by many educational institutions.

Remember when there were all of those school shootings and the media and whomever else urged us to recognize the 'œprofile' of a school shooter?  Maybe, as illustrated by repeated incidents like this it would behoove us all to recognize the 'œprofile' of a probably date rapist.  To wit, ten red-flag raising characteristics:

1. Caucasian male, most likely blond, almost certainly tanned.

2. Athletic build.

3. Family owns multiple houses, usually one at a seaside location.

4. Drives a Sport Utility Vehicle. Color: red.  Model is generally new, but possibly gently used.

5. Has previously attended a Dave Matthews Band concert and spoke fondly of the experience, referring to the lead singer simply as 'œDave.'

6. Plays lacrosse, or 'œlax' as it is casually known.

7. Owns skiis.

8. Had sex for the first time 'œover the summer' with a girl he met at sailing camp.

9. House filled with many adorable black and white photos of he and his siblings frolicking on the beach, at a picnic or sitting on the lap of an elderly, wealthy-looking white person.

10. Polo shirts.

Constant Vigilance is required.

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BAS Writers

BAS Writers

BAS Writers is mostly a collection of articles written by people for the early days of this site. Back then nobody knew that snarky articles they were writing could come back and haunt them when job searching a decade later.


  1. July 19, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    “I don’t make the rules, kids.”

  2. Alexi Lawless
    July 20, 2010 at 11:26 am

    You’re the lovable scamp, Ms. Friedman! You almost made me pee myself with this one even though date rape is no laughing or peeing matter. Well played.

  3. Ezra M. Leslie
    November 18, 2010 at 12:34 am


    Although perhaps your post was well intentioned, the logical leaps you make are distressing. It is in instances like these that we love to implicate the first thing that comes to mind and it seems that you have fallen to this trap. Sadly, it is increasingly common for us to hear about incidents such as this, but to intimate that there is any inherent link between lacrosse and rape is distressing. Lacrosse, first and foremost, is a sport like any another — its rules and inherent values end where the field stops. However, what doesn’t follow those boundaries is the culture that seeps onto the field and out of it. We are all at fault for creating a chauvinistc leaning towards masochistic culture and then blaming the individuals who fall prey to values we’ve inculcated.

    I went to school with Eliot, he was a good kid — certainly, he comes from a well-off family; yeah, he has a funny name, but those are about the only things that you managed to pinpoint in this article. As for any semblance of thoughtful analysis or criticism? Sadly not. Another girl’s dignity broken, another boy’s future tarnished. Yet, you manage to find a sorry laugh at their expense. If this were an anomaly perhaps you could write this without having to wash your hands of any guilt, but as you pointed out its not. This has larger implications, its cultural. So before you head out for another day on your moral high horse think for a moment about how you help shape the perverse gender molds that the youth of today sadly slip into.

    But wait — you don’t make the rules, right? How about trying.

  4. Katy B. - Economic Inexpert
    November 19, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    i detect a lacrosse-playing rapist in our midst you guys. if he invites you to a dave matthews band concert, politely decline. we all love dave matthews but it’s NOT WORTH IT.