How NOT to Tip a Bartender

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

Being cash-strapped by nature, most of Broke-Asses know a thing or two about working in the service industry. We’ve previously doled out advice on how to behave at a restaurant, and generally how to not be an asshole to those who are serving you. My personal experience with being a waiter/bartender is extremely limited (due to the fact I’m terrible at it) and I have the utmost respect for people who can deal with the general public (drunks in particular), and still keep a smile on their face.  Anytime I bitch about office problems I’ll hear my friends tell me about their work tribulations and mine quickly pale in comparison. Now tipping a bartender seems simple in practice, they make you/pour you a drink, and you tip accordingly.  But sometimes, people struggle with the simplest of tasks. Just because you’re out of cash does not mean you can revert to a bartering system, but if you do, I guess be creative about it. So here’s a quick homage to the more crafty tippers out there.

Sure, I wouldn’t turn down a free Hulkamania T-shirt under most circumstances, but I can’t imagine working an all night shift only to be rewarded with a worn-in piece of WWF history. My question is, why would someone be carrying around an extra t-shirt while out drinking on a Saturday night? Do they have excessive sweating problems,  are they prone to outfit changes, or do they like to keep their Hulkamania apparel on them at all times in case they need to “impress” a girl in a pinch. I guess some questions are better left unanswered.

The preferred gift for Dads and Secret Santa’s alike, the audio CD is not exactly on the top of the chain of monetary offerings. Shortly after the death of George Carlin back in ’08, one particular customer decided to leave not one, but the entire collection of Carlin’s recorded work, as a tip. That’s over 10 CD’s, that’s reaching Time Life Box Set status. Instead of a dollar per drink, it worked out to a cd per drink, so at least their inebriated attempt at math was right.  I think “What Am I Doing in New Jersey” is totally worth a few cocktails on its own.

I’m a total sucker for those buyback punch card programs. I don’t even like Hale & Hearty that much, but once I get a single stamp on that card, it’s like a personal goal to get the free final cup of soup. As “rewarding” as it is to complete your punch card goal, a nearly finished one is not really appropriate to give as a tip. After polishing off drink after drink, a customer slid across the bar a fully stamped Subway Rewards card good for one free sandwich, instead of a tip. He couldn’t understand why this wasn’t an acceptable tip and continued to sing the praises of a Subway Sandwich. Sandwich artist crafted or not,  leave the coupon cards at home kids.

Photos Courtesy of: Artistic Things, Houston Press

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

Five Hour Open Bar from Metrowize

Next post

OCD Lecture: Flesh Lights and Other Toys from Japan

Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe

Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe

Laura S, left the "sixth borough" three years ago to settle in Brooklyn. After working at some daily rags, she now does writing on the side but still eats more Ramen then necessary. When she's not moving residences every 6 months, eating her way through every neighborhood, and trying every microbrew known to man, she is unsuccessfully rediscovering home economics. With her binging days behind her, she's now exploring new projects and rediscovering the city that she loves (although is still prone to sliding on her knees during a Prince karaoke set).