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Whiners Will Be Paddled at Amateur Ping Pong Tournament

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I played ping pong for the first time a few weeks ago. Coordination and gentleness has never my thing. I hit a ball so hard it went into the balcony level of bleachers at the Y. Then I hit another ball onto the track and had to dodge runners to retrieve it. I didn’t finish an entire game, but I did get in a lot of trash talking and cursing so I feel good about the day.

If you’re one of those coordinated creatures who’s figured out how to hit a ping pong ball without propelling it into a bystander’s face, but you’re not up to Forest Gump’s idiot savant level of getting sponsorship from a paddle company, go to the Bell House tonight. You could win a fabulous cash prize in their amateur ping pong tournament. But don’t go if you’re a jackass and hyper-competitive. The only rules the Bell House’s Web site declared were “this is a fun tournament” and “whiners will be paddled.” (And if you’re into getting paddled, you should find a bar where someone will hit you without making you play ping pong first).

photo from

Amateur Ping Pong Tournament
The Bell House
149 7th Street, between 2nd and 3rd Avenues [Gowanus, Brooklyn]
Tuesday, October 26
Warm ups at 7pm, Play starts at 8pm
FREE to watch, $5 to compete

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Kiley E - Ragamuffin Researcher

Kiley E - Ragamuffin Researcher

After years of denial, Kiley has finally admitted to baring a striking resemblance to Velma from Scooby Doo. Instead of traveling in a van hunting ghosts, she prefers wandering on foot in search of tacos, cheap beer, and fake birds. Growing up in Portland, Kiley enjoyed the balance of urban and green spaces. Then she spent her four years at Ithaca College, and found herself craving more sprawling asphalt in her life. So she moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where most of the buildings look like they're about to collapse. Kiley's favorite activities include: getting lost, crafting, sewing, biking, and geeking out at museums. Her love of taxidermy probably makes her a terrible vegetarian, but she doesn't care.