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Stonybrook 2010: The Future of the Babysitter’s Club

Updated: Dec 02, 2010 07:53
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As much as I loathe logging on to Facebook and immediately discovering what Edie Falco character, French pastry or WWII general each of my friends are, The Facebook Quiz “Which Babysitter’s Club Character Are You?” has spawned a sort of creative juggernaut in my brain. The discussion of the quiz (which, spoiler alert, gives everyone the result of CLAUDIA) led to a discussion with my housemate about what the Baby Sitters would have been like if we had known them in real, true, actual life. We talked about their jobs and careers and boyfriends and girlfriends and oh, just everything!

Okay, full disclosure: only about five minutes of this “conversation” actually involved my housemate; the rest took place in my sad little brain. Moving on!

The girls would probably be in their early 30s now , so after nailing down the obvious (Kristy: lesbian, possible pro-athlete; Claudia: hipster, probable cocaine enthusiast) I began to expound further and further until each characters life was so clearly and cleanly etched out that they seemed, for a brief, shining moment, to be almost human.

For those of you who didn’t spend your tween years inhaling Ann M. Martin’s literary masterworks, those of you out there who have no idea what the Baby Sitter’s Club is (recent immigrants), or just don’t care, (heterosexual males) I apologize. However the urge to extrapolate on the futures of the BSC characters is absolutely inexpugnable, so lets take a peek through my crystal ball, shall we? To Stonybrook in the year 2010!!!


Doing: After spending her post-college summers heading up the sports department at Camp Mohawk Kristy puts her old girl-gatherin’ skills to use and makes some real money by opening a high-end prostitution ring catering specifically to Greenwich, CT sexual deviant.

Dating: A 57-year old woman who used to be a school principal and is now a cat groomer with a vast inherited fortune and a collection of Tiffany lamps.

Living: Apartment in the East Village, weekend house in Old Saybrook.

Wearing: Sneakers, jeans, turtleneck and baseball hat with a picture of a collie on it

DAWN is:

Doing: Teaching English and organic farming techniques to the indigent in a small fishing village in Honduras.

Dating: A retired South American freedom fighter with a limp and a beautiful singing voice who can occasionally be found deep in his cups at the town bar, drunkenly ranting against the United Fruit Company.

Living: In a sustainable tree-house of her own design with no indoor plumbing or heating and no carbon footprint.

Wearing: Macrame everything.


Doing: After riding high on a wave of good fortune on Wall Street, Stacey saw that the bubble was about to burst and cashed out. She left her job and spent two years developing the perfect sugar free cupcake recipe and penning a memoir about living with diabetes called “Glucose for Comfort”.

Dating: Single, again, Although occasionally meets for no-strings-attached sex with her old personal trainer at a clean but unglamorous hotel in the Financial District.

Living: Left sprawling Soho loft for sprawling DUMBO loft which she shares with her two dogs and occasionally her burnout friend Laine.

Wearing: Yohji Yamamoto


Doing: Teaching kindergarten, writing children’s books, baking up a storm and just generally trying to keep up a good front in the face of her husband, the Senator’s most recent public infidelity.

Dating: Happily Married but we’re going through some rough times, but who isn’t, you know, I mean marriage is a comittment and nobody’s perfect right? Marshmallow Square?

Living: Greenwich, CT

Wearing: Ann Taylor separates, and one long braid.


Doing: Working part time at Opening Ceremony and putting the finishing touches on her first line of handbags and accessories to be sold at various boutiques in the Brooklyn area.

Dating: He’s in a band.

Living: Greenpoint. She bikes to work.

Wearing: Oversized mens shirt, patchwork vest, black leather leggings, brown leather ankle boots, oversized hobo bag from a Vivienne Westwood sample sale. Earrings made of old railroad ties and an oversized parrot pendant.

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BAS Writers

BAS Writers

BAS Writers is mostly a collection of articles written by people for the early days of this site. Back then nobody knew that snarky articles they were writing could come back and haunt them when job searching a decade later.


  1. Kate Kotler - DIY Diva
    October 2, 2009 at 10:25 am


    You should do a Sweet Valley High one… (I was too old for Babysitter’s Club, SVH was my trashy tween lit crack – that and VC Andrews!!)

  2. BAS Writers
    October 2, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Oooh shiiit! I was NOT allowed to read the original series because my
    mom thought the covers were too sexy. BUT she doesnt know that I stole a copy of Playing with Fire from my best friends older sister and oh, was it racy! I was allowed to read Sweet Valley Twins, however; a sort of trainibg bra series, if you will- a chaster,lamer repackaging of the concept for younger readers. Methinks it will be my next installment!

  3. BAS Writers
    October 2, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Also – anyone remember Christopher Pike?

  4. Kate Kotler - DIY Diva
    October 2, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    I do, but I don’t remember why…

    VC Andrews was responsible for me knowing about abortion, incest and child abuse…. THEY WERE AWESOME BOOKS!!! 😛

    I was just chatting with my housemate and we both agreed that we wanted to go to a thrift store to try to track down the Flowers in the Attic series – such twisted writing!

    The crazy thing is that she died somewhere in the middle of writing the second series (Autumn or something like that) and they hired ghostwriters to continue to write under her name to appease the fans of the books… She only wrote about six of the twenty-something books under her name.

  5. Kate Kotler - DIY Diva
    October 2, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    This is a really good post, Ashley – for the record. 🙂

  6. Anna G - Caliburg Contributor
    October 4, 2009 at 11:38 am

    Dude, Christopher Pike! HA! Also, I want to know what the future held/holds for Claudia’s stick-up-her-ass sister Janine.

  7. val
    November 18, 2010 at 11:08 am

    this was great! would love to read about SVH. ohhhh christopher pike, vampires, werewolfs and teenagers, so overdone now…

  8. Katy B. - Economic Inexpert
    November 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    haaaha YES, claudia is majorly addicted to cocaine. the BSC could probably have an intervention if kristy would take time out of being a lesbian for one second to call a meeeeeting. gah.

    all the best posts seem to alienate our recent immigrant/ heterosexual male population.

  9. Christy Jovanelly - Cheapskate Commentator
    November 18, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    hahahha thank you ashley…highlight of my day

  10. Janis P
    November 19, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Brilliant. I just stumbled upon this wonderful website b/c I’m a new SF broke ass, and found Stuart’s book this evening in Border’s ( I was there to take a chinese bird bath in their bathroom) Fear Street for life.

  11. Boom Boom
    March 8, 2011 at 12:43 am

    What French pastry are you Ashely? I just re-read this and wet my pants again, shout out to Kristy mahfucka!

  12. […] It is not so great, however, when that idea gets sort of pissed on/watered-down with a sickeningly twee, patronizing blog owned by wealthy celebrities and quasi-celebrities who hire their untalented trust fund friends (with only a sprinkling of actually talented people) to pathetically cloak status quo messages and themes in a twee/”quirky” sort of package (you know, just do a terrible job at ripping off other good/funny, better articulated ideas). […]

  13. Guestee
    June 1, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Just wanted to state how awesome this article is, after Anna pointed out all the lame, impostor ones. wErkn it

  14. alyssa
    February 26, 2013 at 11:48 am

    This stinks.