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FREE (Fake) Snow Works Its (Fake?) Magic

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Picture this: You need to throw your broke-ass A game to win the affections of a certain someone you drunkenly made out with in the photo booth at Pop’s. Like always, you are broke. But never fear, you are still smart enough to use the city to your advantage.

You meet at the Ferry Building for the Farmer’s Market. Why? Have you seen the samples they give away? You and your date will be full of fancy food in no time flat, with no money spent. When you seemingly thoughtfully and generously ask, “Are you hungry? Let me buy you lunch,” you will be met with a “Ohh, no. Thank you. I’m so full.” (Try not to audibly sigh out of relief. And to make sure this doesn’t backfire, feel free to stockpile samples and push them on your date at every chance possible to ensure satiation.) So you suggest a walk along the waterfront. Stuffed full of breads dipped in olive oil and pumpkin bolani and wowed by the spectacular views of the Bay Bridge, guards are down and you start talking.

The we-have-stuck-our-tongues-in-each other’s-mouths-but-never-actually-talked conversation drifts in a predictable pattern, covering such topics as what you used to do before you were laid off and the recent uproar over Four Loko, and those lead to how you ended up living in San Francisco. And most of us have either done some hard weather time in a fly-over state or never lived in a place with snow. If it is the former, usually the transplant confesses in the same hushed lustful tones much like a vegan fondly remembering bacon, “I misssss snow.” If it is the latter, s/he has categorized snow as a magical entity, much like a unicorn, leprechaun, or job. Your date wistfully pushes this fond memory of snow aside and plans are made to go split a 40 in Dolores Park.

On the way (this is key though, be sure and time this right) stop in at the Hyatt at the Embarcadero under the guise of using the restroom. You pause to check out the Christmas decorations. All of the sudden, snow starts softly falling in the lobby. Your thoroughly impressed date, misty-eyed, turns to you and says, “H- how did you do this?” You wink charmingly and whisk your companion to a room left unlocked by a maid on strike where you celebrate your shared love for snow. And after, with or without, said date, you can bike over to Dolores to share, or not share, your pilfered mini-bar bottles. Perfect date. Zero cost.

Or you know, you could skip all the above and just go see the snow fall in the lobby. It might be kind of pretty, ya? I do miss snow.

Snow in the Atrium Lobby of the Hyatt Regency
5 Embarcadero Center (Corner of California St. and Drumm St.) [Financial District]
November 19th-December 31st, 1pm, 6pm, 8pm

Information found at SFStation

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Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.