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$5 Showing of The Wizard of Oz at Paramount Theatre — Thursday

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Golly, you did what with a dead hooker?!

2010: It’s been, I can boldly say, a year for all of you. What events that unfolded throughout certainly vary per individual but I’m going to assume for most of you, if not all, it involves blush-inducing indiscretions, stolen cop cars driven into the Bay, ventures into the exciting world of extortion, refusal to pay your library fines, and waking up in strange strangers’ beds more often then your own. You did not become fluent in French, find a girl you could take home to Mom, stop spending rent money on tattoos, or eat a single well-balanced meal that you prepared on your own.

And now in the few days before the New Year, we are in limbo. After surviving holidays that require attempts at not being an asshole, thinking of others, and pretending you get along with your family, there’s really nothing to do, short of figuring out at least in what city you’d like to spend New Year’s Eve, but reflect. It’s fairly easy to get a little maudlin, wonder if you are wasting your life, and think too much about the occurrences of the past year and if signs point to yes, you really are a terrible person.

But 2011 is a fresh new start, a new year to change, be the beautiful butterfly you’ve dreamed of being. Lists are made with ridiculous words such as cardio, brussels sprouts and no more Four Loko (cheating, really). Redemption is neigh.

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It’s too late to change anything that has happened in 2010, but you still have a chance to get in one last wholesome, back-to-your-childhood event that will prove you couldn’t possibly be that much of a monster and foster the false hope that this really is going to be Your Year and you won’t shotgun the entire case of Four Loko you were hoarding, seduce your parole officer, and wake up a week into 2011 banned from all public parks in the state of California.

The Wizard of Oz at the jaw-droppingly beautiful Art Deco Paramount Theatre. Only $5 to buy back some innocence and it’s just half a block from the Oakland 19th St. BART station. Before the movie, they show trailers and newsreels from the time period of the movie, and the whole audience plays Deco-Win for prizes. Last month, Christy wrote about their November movie.

There’s a bar in the theater, but they don’t allow drinks in the seating area. Be sure to look for the hanging munchkin and sync up Dark Side of the Moon on your Walkman. Surround yourself in the warm hug of simpler times and keep telling yourself, “Things are going to change, I can feel it.” Everything you need to do it, you had all along.

The Wizard of Oz
Paramount Theater, 2025 Broadway Ave, Oakland (between 20th and 21st.)
Thursday, December 30th
Door @ 7:00pm, Curtain rises @ 8:00pm (tickets on sale at 6pm)
$5

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Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.