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Around the World Tips for the Best 2011 Ever!

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Bonus: If you see this guy on NYE, punch him in the face and you get 3 wishes!

I haven’t decided if 2010 is a year I’m happy to see go or if I’ll find myself staring wistfully out the window, hoping to see it walk back home and tell me, Baby, I’ve been a fool for leaving you. But I do know I’d like to do 2011 right, especially since the world is ending in 2012.

So in preparation, I looked up (ahem, skimmed wikipedia and my dusty recollections) some traditions and ways to eke out some extra good fortune and decided to adapt them and/or make up my own.

Almost all cultures seem to celebrate with fireworks, so since majority has it, I suggest getting your hands on some fireworks and lighting up the midnight sky. The bigger the better. Along these lines, remember what goes up, must come down, and since this can be hard to remember, just stay away from guns.

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This is also a given, as all New Year’s Eve veterans already know, but the yelling of the countdown at the top of your lungs (usually with a few pre-mature ones just to make sure everyone is good and ready), toasting, sloshing mugs, drenching everyone in alcohol, kissing, hugging, groping are key too. All elements are integral for ringing in the New Year right. They are all guaranteed to get you good luck, laid and/or kicked out of the bar. I’ve always been partial to banging on pots and pans, generally anything that makes an insane amount of noise, which some cultures believe scares away bad spirits. I believe it’s fun to make a lot of noise.

In Spain and some Latin American countries, a grape is eaten for good luck at every chime of the New Year. Which means 12 grapes in a short amount of time, whilst screaming, body slamming, and calculated maneuvering to sidle up to the lips you’ve got your eye on. Choking seems highly probable. I’d say add them as a garnish to your drink. Or maybe just add grape flavor, like powdered Kool Aid or something. Or eat a grape piece of candy.

This is the closest I could find to red and yellow polka dot underwear on the internet.

In Venezuela, they say wear red underwear for romance in the New Year; yellow for happiness. In the Philippines, polka dots are worn because the the circles are said to attract money. I would say get your mitts on some red and yellow polka dot underwear and you are set for a happy, prosperous and love-filled year. Bam!

Smash some dishes because that’s what they do in Denmark and it sounds highly enjoyable. I heard a rumor that the Dutch jump off of chairs at midnight, which could be entertaining as well.

A bunch of countries bake cakes with a coin inside. The owner of the piece of cake with the coin receives good fortune for the year. A quick and easy and sure-to-increase-your-chances-of-good-luck way would be to just throw a handful of pennies in the chip bowl and bite carefully. Everyone deserves good fortune, right?

On New Year’s Day, it has been declared that one should eat black-eyed peas for good luck and cabbage for money. But that sounds like a terrible meal to me. I’d say Gatorade and a bowl of Pho counts if you look at a picture of black-eyed peas and cabbage. Or just think about them for a second.

Since I’m an expert on this now, I posit if you follow all these tips, nothing could possibly go wrong.
2011 won’t know what hit it.

Happy New Year!

photos from Rock 102 and this thing.

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Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.