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A Case For Showing Up to Jury Duty Service

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Ah, Japan

I can’t deny it; I’m a pretty busy lady, days filled with “do I have to move the car for street cleaning today?” followed often by the “Who can find my car first?: Parking enforcers v. Me” game, which in SF is about to get a whole lot more challenging, checking every corner store’s Four Loko supply to see if they accidentally have the old caffeine formula cans (I could have been rich, damn it.), and trying to remember if I took my gummy vitamins. See, I know you are wondering how I do it all. But despite my extremely busy social responsibilities, I am looking forward to fulfilling my civic duty next week by going to everyone’s favorite, JURY DUTY! YAY!

And I’m not even being sarcastic, although I hope they realize they are going to have to schedule my naps into the day. They are essential if you are going to make me be somewhere by 8 in the morning.

A friend last night told me jury duty was great because you can imagine having sex with everyone in the room. (I imagine there’s really nothing stopping you from doing that from any room you are in. But maybe he’s got a thing for the judicial system in action?) Our Ricardo has some handy tips for making your summons fun too.

Despite the disruption in my extraordinarily full schedule, I’m most excited because what I’ve learned from Lifetime Television for women and airplane movies, as a member of the jury, the potential for me to get involved in an exciting, adventure-filled, life-endangering romdram (dramrom?) or even possibly just romcom (See Jury Duty with Pauly Shore) is so very very high. After I, as the innocent but noisy juror, ask one too many questions and start to investigate the Truth, I will be swept up in the bad guys’ twisted web of evil, corruption, and stolen nuclear weapons.

After being chased through multiple foreign countries, jumping out of an airplane and possibly grazed by a bullet, I will find myself with my hero, the new love of my life, the rugged CIA/FBI agent/rogue ex-cop with a past, and we will sit on a beautiful beach in a country I’ve never heard of before, drink fancy drinks with umbrellas, and wear sexily-draped sarongs. The sun will set as we chuckle about how just a mere 24 hours before, I was waiting with my crossword puzzle in the jury holding pen. Sadly, I am the sole survivor of the entire court room, but I’ve found my soul mate and we will soon be embroiled in a thrilling international espionage adventure, although as all sequels usually are, slightly less thrilling then the first time but still will probably pull okay at the box office.

So, think twice before you crumple up your summons and plan your jury avoidance tactics.

I’ll be sure and send you guys a postcard.
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Image of the “Jury System Bra to [sic] raise public awareness of the lay juror system, which will start in Japan from May 21, 2009,” courtesy of Popgloss

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Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.

1 Comment

  1. […] business hours, physically, that’s where you’d have found me. I learned first hand that my previous romantic vision for the exciting thriller my life would become was a little far from reality. My reality instead involved sore legs from sitting all day, lots of […]