Advice

People I’d Like to Invite to a Party

Updated: Jul 08, 2011 19:58
The Bay's best newsletter for underground events & news


You’re invited…. Maybe.

After attending the 6th Annual Barworker’s Ball last night, I was thinking about how important the bar industry is in so many of our lives, not to mention how powerful they are. They aid in so many significant life-altering decisions, for the better and worse. And often are snapped at and vomited at. I very much appreciate them and they should have more appreciation parties. Then I got to thinking about the other important people and groups in my life and who else should get thank you parties. Here they are, in no particular order:

Mail People. This can be extended to beyond just the USPS, because you know how rowdy they can get in a room when it is just them. So also FEDEX, UPS, and postal center workers as well. These people are like magic elves delivering happiness in the form of $5 checks from grandmas and electric blankets from Macy’s. I look forward to the mail everyday, especially since now I receive most of bills my online, and it’s less financially threatening. Just mainly postcards from my dentist and unemployment checks. I find the whole mail system fascinating and fun and would be crushed if it was no more.

[youtube bSey_Xt0WRY]

Everyday Heroes. Sure, there are amazing people like nurses, doctors, teachers who everyone knows do good shit for society and we should thank them. But I’d like to have a party for the people who have done neat things for me on a small scale. Like the man who stopped and calmed me down when I was in a car accident, the designer of my electric blanket, the person who called the cops on the guy caterwauling outside my window at 4 in the morning, the cabdriver who came back to return the cellphone I left in his cab, the elderly gentlemen with a cane who offered me his seat on the bus when I had an injured leg. I think I’d get a keg and make Jell-O shots for this one. Maybe even get a pinata as an ice breaker.

People Who Make Delicious Sandwiches. This almost fell under “Everyday Heroes,” but then I realized they should have a category and party all their own. I love sandwiches; I’d even go so far as to posit that they are one of my favorite foods. And I’d like to honor anyone that crafts a well-made, satisfying sandwich. There might need to be some type of sandwich making test involved in this one. I do not want to celebrate terrible sandwiches.

Will Shortz, the editor of the NYT Crossword Puzzle. Crossword puzzling and Sunday afternoons would not be the same without him. If you bore easily and/or have no interest in hearing about nerd things, don’t even bother clicking on this video below. It’s a 6 minute interview that will instantly put you to sleep if you don’t like crosswords. [youtube jWOd3_XfWKo]

I had another one but I forgot, so I guess they didn’t really deserve a party. Who would you pull out the punchbowl and hang crepe paper streamers for? (No sexual euphemism necessarily intended in that last sentence.)

(This last video is pretty much unrelated but I was reminded of it while writing this and I like Steve Martin.)
[youtube CPVuHP3OXk0]

Image courtesy of misquincemag

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

Catch Michael Showalter and Neko Case This Thursday for FREE

Next post

FREE Laura Palmer Prom


Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.