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A Few Things Learned From A Trip to Hawaii

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A Few Things I Learned From My Short Trip to the Big Island of Hawaii:

[disclaimer: as much as I joke about my broke-ass situation (which is still very much the broke-ass case), I’d like to acknowledge that I appreciate that I’m also pretty gosh dang lucky that I was able to even go on this trip. (And secret note to all those people I owe money to: I also acknowledge and appreciate that I still owe you all money.)]

* Prescription snorkel masks are a real thing, you can rent them, and if you are blinder than a rock, this will change your seafaring experiences forever. I was able to see underwater for the first time in my whole entire life and I’m no spring chicken. I got to swim with a sea turtle on its way to have tea at Ariel the Little Mermaid’s mer-house all because of this amazing advancement in snorkel technology.

* Lilikoi is the best fruit in the entire world and I am now on a quest to have more lilikoi in my life (lilikoi = Hawaiian word for passion fruit, I like the way it sounds too). If Hawaii was a flavor, this would be it. So far in San Francisco, I’ve only found lilikoi juice mixed with pear and have already gone through ten gallons of it. If you have a secret hookup, please hook me up. Also rambutan is a complicated and entertaining fruit to eat. Eating it is exactly like eating an alien’s eyeball: fact.

* If you wear a muumuu, long sleeve men’s shirt, giant blue sheet, sun hat, sun scarf, and more sunblock than your skin can possibly absorb, you will look like an idiot… oh yeah, you also can’t possibly get burned…or laid.

* 9 is too big of a number for traveling in a group. It takes 9 times as long to accomplish anything. When you leave the house, make sure you have anything you could possibly want, because the day’s activities could change at the drop of a hat and if someone tells you that “Yeah, we are totally going back later to get swimsuits/hiking shoes/your important prescription that you will die without.” he or she is lying. You will have to hike six miles over sharp lava rocks in flippy flopppies and eat dinner in a towel. Just bring your whole suitcase at all times.

* 9 is a perfect number for traveling in a group. (I go back and forth on this one. I really have no solid back up for this one, except for the fact that I had a whole heck of a lot of fun. And I think we are all still talking to each other.)

* I learned this one from some of our party who left a few days after I did: If you are evacuated because of tsunami warnings, do not attempt to sleep outside directly underneath the tsunami alert sirens. You will not sleep, because they are motherflippin’ loud. It is good they are loud, so find another place to slumber. (possible video proof coming soon, pending approval.)

UPDATE: here is said video. You’re gonna want to make sure your sound isn’t turned all the way up.
[youtube fCw_4Mn5vK8]

* Hawaii is pretty. And judging by the terrain, is another planet. And/or where they faked the moon landing.

Hawaii or the Moon? You be the judge.

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Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica Longo - Two-Bit Reporter

Jessica was born, moved around a lot and has an odd dialect to prove it (see: hella, bubbler, and cawfee), and is now precariously settled in SF. Despite graduating high school too many years ago to count, she was crowned Prom Queen this summer and considers her life complete now. Last year her production editing job was outsourced to the Philippines. Hope they like it. Luckily for you, this Lady of Leisure is currently accepting applications for the position of Wealthy Benefactor.