Booze

Hangover Cures You Might Not Have Tried Yet

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So after reading my five-part series in which you set up and became master of your home bar, you probably woke up feeling shaky and vomitose with a splitting headache. That’s called a hangover, n00b; welcome to life. Or perhaps you’ve felt this way before, but you spend all day out of commission because the air molecules are at war with your eyeballs. Obviously, the most foolproof way to avoid a hangover is not to drink at all, but that’s like saying that the only surefire way not to have a surprise baby is not to have sex at all. I suggest trying a few tricks, old and newfangled, before calling in sick to work:

Water, a banana, and ibuprofen

Yeah, you’re gonna want that sweet, sweet Advil regardless to fix your headache and fight other inflammation in your body (ahem, your liver). But take it with a banana and the biggest glass of water you can find. A main cause of hangovers is dehydration, so enough water will fix that right up. A secondary cause is loss of vitamins and minerals, and guess what bananas have loads of? Also, a bit of food in your belly before taking the pill will keep it from irritating your stomach lining, which is the last thing you need right now.

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Orange juice and a multivitamin

This works in a similar way to the water + banana approach except with more vitamin C. It’s a good idea if you can’t imagine keeping down any food at all. These replenish your body, and they won’t dehydrate you further like a cup of coffee or tea might (caffeine, yo!).

Ade

Gatorade, Powerade, all those other types of ade. I’m not a huge fan of their taste, but by golly, they work. The ades offer the added bonus of getting your electrolyte levels back to normal, which will be necessary if you spent much time puking the night before.

Coconut water

It used to be that you’d have to crack open a baby coconut to get to that nectar inside, a task far from the mind of anyone who has a hangover. It contains the same five electrolytes found in human blood, and in a pinch, you can substitute it for plasma (although let’s hope you’re never in such a pinch). Plus it’s delicious and makes you feel almost like you’re being healthy again.

Hair of the dog

Got a shot of whisky left over? Down it — but no more than a shot. This is really just a temporary solution, but it definitely eases the alcohol-withdrawal symptoms you’re experiencing.

Clean up

If you can get out of bed, it’s all about the S: shit, shower, and shave. They call them “beer shits” for a reason; it’s gonna suck, but likely you’ll feel less queasy afterward. And it’s amazing what a nice, long shower can do for your body. Try switching between hot and cold water to wake the eff up. Finally, shaving is not entirely necessary, but if you generally keep your face and/or legs smooth, you’ll feel better just maintaining that bit of pride in your appearance. Mental trick? Absolutely. Does it cure your hangover? Sometimes.

Light exercise

Yeah, I know, it’s the last thing you want to do right now. But try a little stretching and walking around if you can. It should wake your body up and help dissipate those aches and pains from last night’s bar brawl.

Sleep

If nothing else works, go ahead and take the day off to sleep (but don’t make a habit of it!). It’s the simplest, cheapest cure for everything from a cold to a hangover. After all, you’re nothing if not well-rested, right? At worst, you should feel fine the next day after a good night’s sleep. That is, unless you really overdid it, in which case everyone will just make fun of you for being an amateur.

Image courtesy of Cut the Cap

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Sarah M. Smart - Red-Light Special

Sarah M. Smart - Red-Light Special

Sarah M. Smart was summoned into being on a distant ice cream planet
through an unholy union of Two-Buck Chuck and unicorns. They sent her to Indianapolis and then the University of Missouri's School of Journalism
to spread peace and big hair. Perpetually in mourning for the comma, she
has worked for a variety of print media, including Indianapolis
Monthly
, Global Journalist, and Vox. Since moving
to San Francisco for the booming dumpster-diving scene, she has been an
online operative for such fine folks as Horoscope.com , Neo-Factory, and
Academy of Art University. After a day of cat-feeding, hat-making,
dog-walking, vegan baking, and daydreaming about marrying rich, all she
wants is a margarita as big as her face.