Broke-Ass Porn

Broke-Ass Porn: Park Days

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Once a week we present Broke-Ass Porn.  It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired.  If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought:

Spring is upon us.  The birds are chirping, tan lines are appearing, and the sound of laughter and acoustic guitars can be heard coming from any city park.  What more can you ask for in life than to be able to hang out with friends (ones you’ve just met or the ones you’ve known for years), while enjoying the warm sun and some cold beers?  It’s a broke-ass’s dream really.  The atmosphere is free and the only thing you have to pay for is whatever you decide to bring.

Some of the best days of my life have been spent in parks from Dolores to Prospect and from the Tiergarten in Berlin, to that weird time in Argentina with the Native American and the Norwegian coke-heads. I love hanging in the park because it’s one of the few places you can go where the amount of enjoyment you get has absolutely no correlation to the amount of money in your pocket.  Even your crankiest friends seem to have a great time on a nice day in the park.

So next time the sun is shining and you’ve got some free time on your hands, grab a blanket, a tall boy, and some pals, and head to the park.  It’s beckoning you, but you already knew that.  Just remember one thing, don’t be a shithead.  Make sure to pick up your trash when you leave.  You’re a grown-ass person for fuck’s sake!

Got any great park stories?  I’d love to hear them.  Leave them as comments below.

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.

7 Comments

  1. I was just in the park at the Carroll Gardens stop 15 minutes ago. 3 little girls with oversized heads were having footraces. Then I bought a $2 vanilla soft serve from the ice cream truck. That shit doesn’t even have any dairy in it any more. Friggin Corn Syrup Truc.

  2. Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
    April 17, 2009 at 10:39 am

    mmmmm…high fructose corn syrup…..

  3. Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster
    jayh
    April 17, 2009 at 10:58 am

    I just started hanging out at Dolores last weekend. I haven’t hung out at the park since I was a kid! FAIL #1: Not bringing sunblock…my nose and shoulders are red. As a Mexican (though VERY pale), I’m under the false pretense that I’ll tan and not burn….sorely mistaken.

  4. Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
    April 17, 2009 at 11:07 am

    When I was a kid I got sunburned on my shoulders and then when it was peeling, I got burnt again, so it ended up being like a 2nd degree burn. Apparently I wasn’t very bright 🙂

    Anyway, ever since then I’ve had tons of freckles on my shoulders.

  5. […] Free Beer and Artsy Stuff Saturday Written by Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap April 17, 2009 Broke-Ass Porn: Park Days Written by Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap Make a Fuggin’ Remote Control Plane for $100 […]

  6. Suzie
    April 19, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    The blanket really makes or breaks a day at the park. I’ve figured out that the best blanket is a thick old comforter & in SF a 2nd comforter to wrap up in when the summer fog rolls overhead. I like the newly invented blankets with the plastic underside to prevent wet grass spots under ones buns, but don’t like the LL Bean requisite plaid with forest bears on the other side. So for now, my old Star Wars & Rainbow Brite comforters are at the ready in the trunk of my car. Summer park-time is here!

  7. Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
    April 19, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Oh hell yeah! The blanket can make or break it for sure! Without a good one, you can stand up and realize your ass is soaked