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Marlena’s: Best Bar in Hayes Valley by Far

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Every time I go to this bar, I swear there is a drag show going on. Marlena’s in Hayes Valley is where it is at. I used to always go to Place Pigalle, since it was the closest dive bar to my house, but it has recently been closed due to, “an illegal filming of a porn in the back room – during business hours,” according to the new owner. Whatever he said, because I’ve been by again recently – and it was closed again!

Fuck that place, Marlena’s is way better and doesn’t need to film anything illegal – because there is always some kind of “legal” show going on or something along those lines wear skirt hems are extremely high and tops are extremely low-cut. When there are  trannies taller than me wearing five-inch heels – I am so down.

The other day, I cruised in on a Sunday afternoon, and was immediately welcomed by this huge black guy holding a baby doll. “Meet my daughter, Chlamydia Champagne!” he bursted out with laughter. He even bought me a beer and let me hold his “baby.” Sold. I love this place.

Pool tables, cheap drinks, a smoking patio and a fun, gay crowd. I can’t even count the number of pictures I have snapped with hot drag queens wearing tiny dresses I would never even fit into! And girls, don’t worry – there are always a few cute straight guys lingering around. They obviously know where to find the hottest chicks…with or without an Adam’s apple!

488 Hayes Street
[Hayes Valley]

photo courtesy of

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Heidi Smith - The Ultimate Scavenger

Heidi Smith - The Ultimate Scavenger

Heidi works for a non-profit cultural exchange organization helping others experience life from a different perspective. She likes magnetizing the obscure and scavenging the city for fun, free things to do. She is a world traveler, a freelance writer and a spontaneous chef. She is also said to be part-mermaid.

1 Comment

  1. […] 3) “I’m a minimalist.”  I dabbled in sartorial minimalism when I realized that plain t-shirts were way cheaper than any other article of clothing.  A white t-shirt, denim cutoffs and sneakers may be what my mom used to make Child Me wear when I did chores like pick up dog poop in the backyard, but once I declared myself a minimalist this same outfit became “refreshing” and “edited.”  The best part about the minimalist look is that it usually includes a bare face, which is great because makeup is hella expensive and too much of it makes ladies look like they’re going to drag night at Marlena’s. […]