AdviceNew York

The Importance of a Hiding Place at Work

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Sometimes work can get hectic. You don’t want to deal with any more customers for the rest of the day or that manager you hate is working your shift. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night or you woke up with a hangover but you can’t afford to call out. Whatever the reason, this is when a good hiding place at work saves the day.

A quick break, even if it’s only a few minutes, can make the difference between everything going according to schedule and a nationwide manhunt for the guy/girl who went postal at work. Listen to me, lives will be lost if you don’t find or have an escape from your nine-to-five. Yes we do get a lunch break but I’m a strong believer that that should be your food time.

Now what I’d like to point out is the obvious. There are always at least two areas where everyone at work goes to hide. If I took a poll on this subject I’m almost positive the restroom would be the number one hiding spot in the work place. If this just so happens to be your current hiding place I’m going to ask you to be honest with yourself here. Do you want to get caught and/or harassed? We’re not cutting class in high school anymore broke-asses. If we graduated from high school we should also be able to graduate from hiding in the bathroom from authority figures.

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Then we have the almighty break room. Once again, you’re just asking to be found by your superior. If this is your hiding place then my advice is to try a little reverse psychology. Try to stay away from the break room (this includes your break) and then when you happen to do your best Casper impression, this will be the least likely place to find you. Next time your fellow employees might have this very conversation:

Cris: Hey, Chad. Have you seen Tyler?

Chad: No. Have you checked the break room?

Cris: Nah, he never goes in there since he had that incident with the fork.

Chad: Oh yeah, you’re right. Then he must be in the bathroom taking a massive dump. He ate that Chipotle again for lunch today.

Cris: Geez, last time he had that the bathroom smelled like two water buffalos in heat.

Chad: Yeah, the janitor says paint will never stick to those walls again.

Things To Keep In Mind When Searching For Your Hiding Place

Personally, I like my hiding places to be my own and unique to my needs. I enjoy taking a nap on the job if I’m feeling extra lazy so I try to find an area that will accommodate that. Remember that comfort is the most important facet of finding a hiding place.

My space would also need to be one that would make me difficult to locate. A low traffic area would suffice but you also need to be aware of what’s going on at work, so a spot which would have your employees walking back-and-forth could work but it would be tricky. I’d suggest leaving these to experts like myself or if you want to take the gamble, be sure you’re quick-witted or a great liar.

If my job has cameras I would evidently need to be aware of where they’re placed, at what angles and how broad the camera’s viewpoint is. I try to keep away from cameras (except when I’m bored and I wave hello to whoever is watching). If you can’t avoid cameras then I suggest using different routes to get to your spot as to avoid giving away your hiding place and to throw off suspicion.

How well you know your supervisor’s attention to detail is also important. If you have the type who’s running around like a chicken with their heads cut off and a million things on their mind then you must not worry. However, if you’re stuck with a nazi then you’re pretty much assed out.

“Can I relax here?”, “Will I feel safe coming here one to 10 times a day?” These are questions you need to ask yourself. Take this search as serious as finding a home (or a one room shack where Bruno the huge rat is considered a house pet).

Lastly I leave you broke-asses with this: DO NOT TELL YOUR FELLOW EMPLOYEES ABOUT YOUR HIDING PLACE.

They will swarm it like leeches and it will no longer be your hiding place.

Photo Credit: Me

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Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

My father came, my mother saw...and I conquered. I encourage children to do drugs, I buy alcohol for teenagers, and I drink beer with the homeless. In my spare time, I attend art galleries for the FREE booze while rubbing elbows with modish elephants. I also hammer six-inch nails into small penises. Stuart knighted me as Broke-Ass King of New York. You've been warned.