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Lonely Broke-Ass’s Valentine’s Day at Pumps

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Envision this: it’s Valentine’s Day and you ain’t got no sweetheart. Furthermore, you don’t want one, and you think Valentine’s Day is a trite greeting-card-holiday anyway. But you’re a man, God damnit, and you want female attention and booze every day of the week. You look into your wallet and see you only have twenty-five dollars. Well, you’ve made your trip to the local bars, and there just ain’t no women for you to jive with, no lonely little honey at the edge of a bar stool looking for romance or a quick fix, no hearts, no arrows, no cards, no dinners – but who cares, you don’t have any obligations either. And then it hits you! You know where to go! Yes – you’ll go to Pumps!

Pumps is a spectacular, self-proclaimed “hipster strip club”, decorated with motorcycles and live topless women hanging from the polls. On the weekdays happy hour lasts from 3pm to 6pm with all beers for $4 ($7 durring off hours), and on Saturday (closed on Sunday) the happy hour is from 4pm to 6pm with the same deal on beers. And there is Never a cover charge at the door! The atmosphere is laid-back and casual. So go be your horn-dog-self, but remember the golden rule – NO TOUCHING! Just place your money in the cleavage, make eye contact and let her move on! She already knows what you’re thinking.

So, happy Valentine’s Day, broke-asses. May it be a merry one. And for all you coupled broke-asses, Pumps could be an excellent idea for a Valentine’s date too… Think about it.

1089 Grand St. (between Metropolitan Ave. and Vandervoort Ave.)
[East Williamsburg]

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Bobby Rich - Affordable Aficionado

Bobby Rich - Affordable Aficionado

Bobby dropped out of college at the age of 20, said goodbye to his papaw in the small town of Copper Hill, GA, and went to India, where he studied professional pauperism in ashrams and taught English to children. From New Delhi he flew to London, where emigration considered him a "vagabond with no roots to return to", and he was put on the first plane back to America. After finding himself in the freezing snows of Chicago, some guy at a bar offered him a job transporting a car to NYC, where he is currently stuck in Ridgewood, Queens. His travel website The Music Underground has helped many find the obscure in foreign lands.