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4 Things That Should Be Free but Aren’t

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The best things in life are free? Hardly. What have you got on that list: happiness, compassion, the love of J-Lo? Puh-leeze. Even friendship costs money, as in my friends like to go out and do things that require cash. Sure they love me no matter how much of a bum I am, but I’m sure that fact would wane if I became an unkempt hermit. Even soap comes at a cost, man. There are some things in this world that should be free, even though “the man” puts a price sticker on it.

Applying for Higher Education

So, this a recent issue for me. I’m in the process of applying to a smattering of grad schools, and it’s enough pressure already. Now they’re telling me on top of all the essays, the transcripts, and a pre-authorization to the right to my first born child, I have to shell out an extra $50-100 simply so that they can tell me if I suck or not. I’m paying others to judge me, I normally waive that fee and let them do it for free. By the time that I’m finished with all of this and I get the results back I’m not going to have enough left over to celebrate and/or drown my sorrows.

College applications should be free. They do pay people regardless of how many apps come in. The payment of the Admissons department should be a percentage solely taken from the absurd amount of cash they charge for tuition these days. Speaking of which…

Higher Education

This is a huge issue that may be too serious to tackle in one snark addled blurb on this website. I’m sure many of you, my most broke of readers, are seemingly destined to stay in debt like an indentured servant until the end of time. Student loan debt is to credit score as herpes is to your genitals. It (seemingly) never goes away, and plagues you with occasional flare ups that ruin everything.

Higher Education is one of the many things that Europe does right. I’m including this on a list of alcohol, cheese, and soccer; three of the things that I love most in this world. Their tuition fees are either non-existent or at an incredibly low rate. When looking at some schools abroad, I could go for two years at one school and still pay the equivalent amount of one year at a school in the United States. And this is the out of country price. Absolute madness!

Internet Dating

Whatever happened to free love? We have disappointed the hippies. Say it isn’t so! How could we have let it come to this? All of the halfway decent dating sites require payment. This leaves the frugal to fend off all of the neurotics, mentally imbalanced, and closet gays (that is a story for another time) that lurk on the all too notorious OkCupid.

Maybe if internet dating were free more attractive (both mentally and physically) people would give it a go. What would they have to lose? If price was not a factor, how many people not dating online would join in? Granted, if online dating was always free, I would not have the rich tapestry of “interesting” first dates that have both given me a wealth of new experiences and stand-up material.


Someone once said, “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” Well, I’m tired of him. Fuck that guy. Free lunches for everyone!

Photo Credit: Nicolas el Hayek

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May S. - Couch-Change Spelunker

May S. - Couch-Change Spelunker

Bachelorette number one...err...May is a spunky twenty-something resident of New York City. When she is not swinging Tarzan-like through the concrete jungle that dreams are made on she does stand up comedy, travels, watches footy, prowls the public library, and snobbishly drinks as many craft beers as possible (on her budget that is). She has a degree in fashion, but is not currently involved in the industry. In the meantime she writes for funsies.

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