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How to Get Cheap Birth Control if SCOTUS Just Took Yours Away

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This bit of brilliance comes from @bakerbk

We all heard it. The Supreme Court ruling on the Hobby Lobby case angered more people than the ending of How I Met Your Mother. The penis wrinkles on the bench favored on the side of the “closely held” corporations.

In this case, “Closely Held” doesn’t refer to the tourniquet-style snuggling where your arm falls asleep as you lie with your honey in post-coital bliss. It refers to for profit companies that are owned and operated by a small number of investors, typically a single family of founders.

These corporations can now opt out of ensuring coverage of contraception for their insured employees, citing religious rights. Their religious beliefs, meaning the people who own the company, not the women’s beliefs.

If you work at one of these companies and you’re a man – don’t fear! You still get Viagra paid for! Little blue pill to the rescue!

So what do we do now? How do we keep the hoohah baby-free? Well, lucky for Californians there are a lot of companies that provide birth control coverage for their employees under their health plans.

But just in case yours doesn’t, try some, or all of these…

Price Checking: When talking to your doctor ask which pill would be most effective for you and is available in a generic brand. Also, some pharmacies have varying prices for each brand. While you’re Google Stalking your ex take a couple minutes and do some BC research. You can find WAY more information than you might need on

FLEX Pay: Do you have a flex account? Buy the pills pre-tax and as many months as you can. It saves some money and you get to relish the convenience of not having to go in for refills. If you have any money left over, see if massages fall under your Flex Pay and get some real rub down action, too.

Mirena IUD

Mirena IUD

IUD: They are the most expensive but definitely the longest lasting of birth controls. They cost roughly $300-$400 but if you take into consideration the cost of monthly pills then it makes it worth the money. The pain though??? IUD insertions hurt like a B*^TCH!!!!! Then all is well for 5 years!! 10 if the FDA ever finally finish their approval process on longer term use of IUDs.

Planned Parenthood: This is great way to get birth control and general reproductive health services. They provide emergency contraception and even provide IUDs. If you qualify, most birth control they provide can be free or hugely discounted depending on your financial situation, insurance, and health needs. They’ll even give you a bag full of condoms and lube when you leave!! Grab a 2 Buck Chuck on your way home and you’ve got a party!

Sex Ed flashback!

Sex Ed flashback!

Condoms: They come in all sizes, shapes, color, textures, flavors and materials! They are fairly cheap and disposable and work 99.9% of the time! XS, M, L, XL, MAGNUM! These will keep those pesky sperm from getting into your hoohah and setting up house! Besides…they are given out for free in an endless supply at gay bars. If you’re really hard up just walk on in and grab a few.

This ruling sucks. We can fight and make efforts to enact new laws to provide the help and services that were taken away from women. We can also give a Standing O to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg whose dissent was pretty damn sweet. You should check out WSJ’s highlights

Dope ass chick

Dope ass chick

“It would deny legions of women who do not hold their employers’ beliefs access to contraceptive coverage that the [Affordable Care Act] would otherwise secure… In sum, with respect to free exercise claims no less than free speech claims,” – Justice Ginsberg

Damn right, Ruthie!!!!

BTW: I’m not a medical professional in any way besides that I fanatically watched Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, ER and Gray’s Anatomy. Always ask your doctor about any birth control methods you are considering.

Got any good suggestions of your own? Leave them in the comments below!


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Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Bay Area native. Oldest girl in a very large extended Mexican family. Studied Art History at UC Berkeley and of course I became a Nonprofit Marketing Consultant! Never married. No kids. Serial dater and and expert at the 'hang out' version of dating. Moved out of crazy expensive SF to Oakland and LOVING it! Loves sports. All of them. Except golf. Oh, and rhythmic gymnastics.

1 Comment

  1. Suganthi Jeganathan
    July 2, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Stuart, I encourage you to make an addendum:Women’s Community Clinic is an AMAZING resource for all things related to women’s health. Depending on your financial circumstances, you BC could be completely free. They are women run, with extremely well-trained volunteers staff, and are incredibly empathetic, discreet, and non-judgmental. I’ve had very positive experiences there and am so grateful!