Which Famous A**holes are Going to Burning Man This Year?
Technically, there is no way to know for sure which of these famous assholes will attend Burning Man 2014 a full month out from the event’s opening. Life happens. People can articulate a desire to attend Burning Man, but then life events, surprise weddings or other commitments can alter anyone’s calendar. But from social media commentary, public remarks and general histories of “going every year no matter what”, we can somewhat-accurately game out which of these assholes you would run the serious risk of running into at Burning Man 2014.
I would rather hear Diddy at a party where Diddy was not there rather than not hear Diddy at a party where Diddy was there. But I’m probably the only person on earth who feels that way.
‘Naked drug unicorn fuck-rave signals a return to core Republican values’. I bet you anything some conservative asshole actually writes that article within the next month.
Google CEOs (2014 Status: Definitely Going) – These assholes are fresh off paying almost zero taxes on $22 billion in revenue. Oh, I’m sure they and Grover Norquist will have a good laugh over at that one out at Dustfish.
The Versace Inheritees (2014 Status: Maybe Going) – Gazillionaire inheritee Francesca Versace is a burner, according to Du Jour, as are other born-on-third-base assholes Alexandra von Furstenberg and David de Rothschild.
Is it unfair of me to call Anne Hathaway an asshole? I just don’t like her, based on some vague, personal subjective reasoning that I am not deep enough to explore therapeutically. Which brings us to our next asshole going to Burning Man…
But it will probably be a more beautiful thing for you if you can avoid me and these assholes.
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(Image and Plagiarism Credits: The phrase ‘Definitely Going’ to Burning Man is taken from a 1998 Onion article that still cracks me up today. P. Diddy image courtesy MsBrittanyJade on Instagram. Sergey Brin image courtesy Steve Jurvetson via Flickr. Grover Norquist and Mark Zuckerberg images courtesy Wikipedia. Cat image from viral 2010 Burning Man video via Xtra Normal. Anne Hathaway image via “Princess Diaries 2” poster. Me being an asshole in a clown nose image via WhyTheNose.com.)