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Why Searching for a Job and Online Dating are the Exact Same Thing

Updated: Jun 12, 2016 10:18
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Hunting for a sexytime partner and hunting for a job is the exact same thing. It takes a lot of self-evaluation, decision-making and compromise.

I've never dated out of my species before...

I’ve never dated out of my species before…

1) The Write Up

An online dating profile and a resume are the exact same process. You spend time writing all about yourself. The things you know, the things you did, where you went to school, and what you’re doing now. Lots of embellishments, re-writing, and feelings of uncertainty about what you are revealing to the world. After you smashed your entire self onto a page or two you send it out to the masses for judgement. You hope it appeals to the hot girl or the hot company and that their interests are piqued enough to send you a message.

2) The Invitation

Woo hoo! You get the message on your profile or an email that they thought your resume was interesting and ask if you can meet? You beat out hordes of other people vying for a chance for the big prize! You feel hopeful and wonder what you’ll talk about. You read their profile, job listing again. Look at their photos, website and reassure yourself that this will work out great! I totally see myself with this person or company! What should you wear? What will they ask? What will you ask? Hopefully, you don’t come across as nervous as you feel.
Toe shoes are NOT work appropriate!

Toe shoes are NOT work appropriate!

3) The Meet Up

You put on the right outfit, then take it off and put on a better one. Your shoes say a lot about you. Don’t wear stilletos on an interview and don’t wear too much cologne on a date. You get there early so you make a good impression. You talk about yourself the whole time. The right words are said and the best impression is made. All kinds of lies come out of your mouth…”I always go hiking!”, “I am an expert at Excel”, “I work best on a team”, “I love cats, too!”
John Cusack is totally worth dealing with Jack Black

John Cusack is totally worth dealing with Jack Black

4) Round Two

You get dressed up again. The next step is to meet the team/best friends. Their decisions and scrutinous eye will influence your fate. Do they think you’re witty or dumb? You are judged by the original crew and you try to convince them you won’t drag the the team down. There’s always that one weird person on the team. How many times have you “met the friends” and you already dislike one of them, but you want that job/person and so you pretend that their jokes are funny.

5) The Decision

You are in!! Plan out your morning commute to and from the job or girlfriend and load up your Clipper Card. Or you got rejected. “Thank you for your interest but we decided to go with another candidate that better fits our needs”. “I’m really busy this month. Sorry I can’t hang out.” That’s okay…you saw a better job on LinkedIn you wanted to try out. It pays more and is closer to work. He wasn’t cute enough to trek to Oakland, anyway.

OKCupid and Indeed should merge and then we can get matched with jobs and companies that fit our needs. You and Twacebootter are a 85% Match!!!

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Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Bay Area native. Oldest girl in a very large extended Mexican family. Studied Art History at UC Berkeley and of course I became a Nonprofit Marketing Consultant! Never married. No kids. Serial dater and and expert at the 'hang out' version of dating. Moved out of crazy expensive SF to Oakland and LOVING it! Loves sports. All of them. Except golf. Oh, and rhythmic gymnastics.