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Outstanding Christmas Filth: Rachel Lark’s ‘Hung for the Holidays’

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For the ideal holiday gift, look no further than that winking young lady above holding a plate of boner-shaped Christmas cookies. Ukelele chanteuse sexpot Rachel Lark has just released her penetrating Christmas treasury “Hung for the Holidays“, a heart-warming collection of XXX ukelele yuletide Christmas carol filth. “Hung for the Holidays” is available as a digital download or as a ‘hard’ copy gift on Rachel Lark’s Bandcamp page. The sendable gift version is $10, while the straight-up digital download version is a “name your price” deal that’s perfect for broke-asses on a holiday budget.

As a goddamned holiday bonus to you Seattle-area peeps, Ms. Lark will be performing tonight, December 5 at the Dan Savage Lovecast special “Is Christmas Sexy?” at the Neptune Theater. She’ll be joined the the Dan Savage, plus Santa and Mrs. Claus, the Human Menorah and Adult Baby Jesus. Tickets still available!

Why ‘There’s Nothing Sexy About Christmas’


“Hung for the Holidays” is so relentlessly dirty and graphic that it gives “Blue Christmas” a whole new meaning. Even I had to check Urban Dictionary to understand some of the terms this woman uses. Some tracks are outstanding parodies like “O, Poly Night” (get it?), another is a thrash-punk ukelele cover of “Santa Baby”, while others are fabulous originals like “There’s Nothing Sexy About Christmas”.

“Dan [Savage] really wanted me to write a song called ‘Christmas Isn’t Sexy,’ which was actually one of the hardest songs I’ve ever had to write,” Rachel Lark tells “It’s easy to write a sexy song about something.  Not so easy to write about something NOT being sexy.  Anyway, somehow I pulled seven songs out of my ass that I’m proud to say are pretty out there, funny, and seasonal, which was the goal.”

How to get ‘Hung for the Holidays’

There are many LOLs in the fa-la-la-la-las of “Hung for the Holidays”. You can download “Hung for the Holidays” at a “name your price” scale, or purchase the $10 “download sticker” gift version which  has hard copy cover art and a download  code that makes it appear you put some effort into your holiday gift-giving.

For an explicit taste of the Rachel Lark experience, check out this YouTube video of her crowd-pleasing favorite “Warm, Bloody and Tender”. It’s not a holiday song. It’s more of a… ‘period piece’.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.