15 Predictions for 2015 (New York Edition)
Like the old saying goes, “if you can make it here… you’re probably making 75,000$/year or more.”
1. Fashion Week will move to Bed Stuy because Williamsburg is the new Manhattan and that makes it not cool anymore.
2. New Yorkers will walk through at least two movie shoots on their way to a job interview, many will comment “who cares?”.
3. The New York Post will finally write a gripping expose about the connection between MTA and the Illuminati, every single time you’ve ever been late to something will suddenly make perfect sense.
4. Dozens of New Yorkers will discover something called the G train.
5. Nationally known hot mess Amanda Bynes will shoot a reality show with Manhattan as her backdrop, tentatively titled “Love and Hip Hop”.
6. Citizens will lobby for Taco Bells to begin taking EBT cards/food stamps, I will spearhead this cause, single handedly.
7. Every single homeless person with a tragic and slightly farfetched story will be revealed as a member of the Screen Actors Guild.
8. Step Up 9: Showtime!
9. Record number of young people will move to Astoria, realize they can only afford brunch or a Metrocard but not both.
10. They’ll finally green light that Mighty Ducks remake I’ve been pulling for featuring Justin Timberlake in Emilio Estevez’s iconic role and a bevy of underprivileged, ethnically diverse youth. Filming will begin in Coney Island.
11. Local New Yorker in a rush will stop to give efficient directions instead of just hesitantly saying “I’m not from around here”.
12. World Star Hip Hop will capture New York in a new perspective, starting a trend of videos of young Black and Latino men on the train giving up their seats to elderly and pregnant women, grand jury will try to indict internet.
13. The Polar Vortex will officially be purchased and copyrighted by Diddy and Bloomberg in the biggest merger in New York history, average cost of living will somehow jump 9%.
14. Brooklynites will continue to contemplate if they can actually afford items for sale at the Brooklyn Night Bazaar.
15. You’ll still be annoyed with Taylor Swift.