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How To Run A 10K If You’re Broke And Bad At Sports

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I am currently lying in bed, wondering whether I will ever use my legs again, and eating Spanish cheese poofs shaped like “futebolas” (i.e. soccer balls). This is because, (cue music) ‘it’s the eye of the tiger’/’we are the champions’/’na-na-naaaaa’, Rocky Balboa moment.  In other, less confusing and non-song lyric words, I ran a 10k!

You may ask yourself why I get to write an article about this, while you, perhaps living in SF/NY, have to exert the same amount of energy every day, just running after a bus with a sociopathic driver who definitely saw you, but drove off anyway.

The first reason why is because the 10k itself was FREE! Secondly, it’s because I am a broke unathletic indoor kid with myopia (i.e. a Standard Nerd) and this will serve a How To guide if you happen to be a standard nerd, too.

The-IT-Crowd-Richard-Ayoade-As-Maurice-Moss-Standard-Nerd

As you probably know, even if you are hilariously uncoordinated and just have one of those faces that people love to throw balls at (tee hee), you can hide it by doing all sorts of badass sport things by yourself. Running, for example, helps you feel better, look good, and you probably don’t have a real excuse for not doing it (I myself smoke and am really, really, lazy).

I have always liked to run, but had never done any sort of official race because I’m broke (shocking, I know). The idea that you had to pay more than 30$ in order to run along more or less the same roads you could run along by yourself was (and is) ridiculous.

Did I already mention that El Corte Ingles run, however, is FREE?

el-corte-ingles-10k-run-barcelona

If you ever decide to run a 10k (which you should), here’s some advice you didn’t ask for.  Firstly – try not to bring too much. See if they offer water on the run (probably yes), hydrate beforehand, and don’t bring your own bottle. Don’t worry about any sort of public transport pass, you will want to walk home (it’s a great way to cool down). Mostly, don’t bring your bulky camera and don’t risk getting trodden on just to be able to get some good pictures for your article. It’s not worth it, Rae.

Some more unwanted tips are:

DO -Dress your dog up in what is maybe a Limited Too (link) dress  DON’T  -Wear jeans to a 10k  -Try to take a Chihuahua on an escalator because it will freak the fuck out.

DO
– Dress your dog up in what is maybe a Limited Too dress
DON’T
– Wear jeans to a 10k
– Try to take a Chihuahua on an escalator because it will freak the fuck out.

DO -Lean on a lamp post and don’t look into the camera – a perfect way to hide your infinite dweebyness.

DO
– Lean on a lamp post and don’t look into the camera – a perfect way to hide your infinite dweebyness.

DO -Wear pink on Wednesdays. DON’T  -Be short, specifically in a crowd. For all you tall people, by the way, this is what it’s like.

DO
– Wear pink on Wednesdays.
DON’T
– Be short, specifically in a crowd. For all you tall people, by the way, this is what it’s like.

DO -Bring your Catalan language dictionary to decode anti-mass tourism takeover signs (“Mass Tourism Destroys”). DON’T  -Get noticed when you take a picture of it because you will get pursued and ranted at for about a block.

DO
– Bring your Catalan language dictionary to decode anti-mass tourism takeover signs (“Mass Tourism Destroys”).
DON’T
– Get noticed when you take a picture of it because you will get pursued and ranted at for about a block.

DO -Laugh at yet another rainbow penis-shaped statue in Barcelona.

DO
– Laugh at yet another rainbow penis-shaped statue in Barcelona.

DO -Bring a scooter to a 10k. What a genius.

DO
– Bring a scooter to a 10k. What a genius.

DO -Resist temptation to take another picture of revolutionary gentleman, this time holding a confusingly encouraging sign ("it's springtime at Town Hall").

DO
– Resist temptation to take another picture of revolutionary gentleman, this time holding a confusingly encouraging sign (“it’s springtime at Town Hall”).

DO -Enjoy a sugary beverage, although preferably not Coca-Cola, after the race.  DON’T  -Fail to recycle the soda can, or this lady will KILL YOU.

DO
– Enjoy a sugary beverage, although preferably not Coca-Cola, after the race.
DON’T
– Fail to recycle the soda can, or this lady will KILL YOU.

DO -After stretching, sit/lie down and relax! The asphalt in the street will be warm from the cars and the sun, and the vibration of oncoming vehicles will do wonders for your sore muscles.  DON’T  -Take selfies in the street. You could get hit by a car, for crying out loud.

DO
– After stretching, sit/lie down and relax! The asphalt in the street will be warm from the cars and the sun, and the vibration of oncoming vehicles will do wonders for your sore muscles.
DON’T
– Take selfies in the street. You could get hit by a car, for crying out loud.

Being broke can get tough, and if you need to disconnect a bit, running is a great way to feel better. Running a 10k was actually a barrel of fun, and now everyone thinks I’m badass (until they read this, of course). If you want to run for FREE in the Bay Area, your only option may still be to do so solo (or to become friends with this lady – she looks fun). However, there are some 5Ks and 10Ks that are at least not too ungodly expensive! Behold, a list of upcoming Bay Area 5K and 10K races for 30$ and under:

Super MOM Virtual Run – 5k/10k/Half Marathon (San Francisco) – May 9th

Mother’s Day Marina Green – May 10th

Geek Day 5K – May 23rd

Father’s Day SUPERDAD 5K –June 6th

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching Fun Run, San Jose – June 14th

Father’s Day Rainbow Falls 5K – June 21st

San Francisco FrontRunners 36th Annual Pride Run 2015 – June 27th

Great Highway 5k – June 28th

Hercules 5k – July 4th

Independence Day 5K & 10K – July 4th

Crissy Field 5k –July 12th

Support Our Girls 5K & 10K – October 1st

Hug A Runner 5K, Concord – November 7th

Ugly Sweater 5K & 10K – December 5th

rae-10k-barcelona-el-corte-ingles

Credit for photography: me, harkening back to a time in my life when I could still stand.

 

 

 

 

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Rae Bathgate - Down and Out and Overseas

Rae Bathgate - Down and Out and Overseas

Rae, known also (depending on the country) as Rachelle/Raquel/ Rachele (and often sadly mistaken as Richard, because biblical names are hard you guys) is an aspiring writer and now sort of a dick for having actually defined herself as such. She was born and lived over the first half of her life in Italy; she then moved to the States and lived a good ten years there (including in SF). Currently back in Europe, she is neither a hapless American tourist nor a snobby European jerkyjerk; luckily for you, she is some weird ungodly combination of both. Also, she’s broke and is probably stealing bread crumbs from pigeons.