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San Francisco Pickup Lines : By District

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Every woman who frequents the fine drinking establishments in San Francisco may  become a willing or unwilling participant in a ceremony of courtship. When a man gets a case of ‘the woo’, he’ll try any number of classic mating dances to win you over: physical prowess, fancy lures, partial-to-full nudity, or “negging” because he read some book by a guy wearing a ridiculous hat. Who can blame them? San Francisco is filled with beautiful, intelligent, funny women but now you can better prepare yourself by brushing up on common pick-ups when and where you might* expect them.

*The following remarks are fictional. Any and all resemblance to actual people or situations is purely coincidental. Unless it’s not.

The Marina

Bar None at 11:55 PM: “Do you want to take a celebrity shot for me? It’s cool, we’re ahead anyway. I’m pretty much a pong legend.”

Circa at 10:13 PM: “Oops, I dropped my keys. I wouldn’t want someone to step on my Tesla key fob, even though I could replace it so fast. Elon and I’ve hung out a few times in LA.”

Marina Lounge at 1:06 AM: “Do you do yoga?”


The Tenderloin

The Library/Bourbon and Branch at 8:34 PM: “Don’t let the pretty bottle make you think that’s a good whiskey. Let me teach you about cask-aging.”

Hemlock Tavern at 12:08 AM: “Come help me pick out a song on the jukebox. But no Bowie.” (RIP Hemlock Tavern)

Edinburgh Castle at 11:30 PM: “Do you think my pants are too tight? I had a pack of cigarettes that fell out somewhere.”

tenderloin hipster


Tempest at 7:38 PM: “Actually, my company has some great catered lunches. You should come by next week after our monthly brainstorming powwow. Thursdays are Taquito Day.”

Bloodhound at 8:55 PM: “I’d offer to play you at Big Buck Hunter, but I can’t help thinking about Bambi. I’m really sensitive to overhunting.”

Oddjob at 9:13 PM: “It’s important that they smack the rosemary at the proper height above the glass or the essential oils don’t properly diffuse. Here, I’ll show you.”

tech bro

The Haight (Lower and Upper)

The Page at 6:45 PM: “My friends and I used to come here before everybody started coming here.”

Madrone at 10:01 PM: “Have you been to Salsa Night? You’ve got the right hips for it. Have you ever modeled?”

Hobson’s Choice at 1:45 AM: “I’ve got weed. It’s organic and locally-grown so it’s more sustainable.”


The Mission

Phone Booth at 12:43 AM: “I’ve got a dog. He’s a rescue and a mutt so he’s more affectionate.”

Homestead at 1:16 AM: “We’re in an open relationship so it’s always fun to meet new people. Do you live in the city?”

El Techo de Lolinda at 9:54 PM: “I don’t hang out in the Mission that much. I live in Marin so I’m usually in the Marina.”

Portrait of young man with tattoos smoking cigarette

The Richmond (Outer and Inner)

Trad’r Sam at 12:49 AM: “Coconuts. Get it?”

Neck of the Woods at 10:22 PM: “My band played here once. We do mostly folk covers of Motley Crue but I don’t know if it was the right crowd. You look like someone who could be in a band. Why don’t you come over to jam tonight?”

The Nags Head at 1:09 AM: “I’m a life-long native. I practically bleed black and orange. I did go away for college though, to Santa Cruz.”

The Castro

Last Call at 8:13 PM: “Oh, I’m not gay. But I am an ally. Everyone should be equal, you know?”


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Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

At age 2, I was getting run over by a bike in an alley in China. At age 8, I was avoiding man-o-wars on Tybee Island. At age 14, I was overdrinking sweet tea while running through the woods barefoot. At age 20, I was learning Art History and how to drop it low. At age 25, I was making fun of drum circles at Dolores. At every age, I am charming the fuck out of you. Just wait, it'll happen.


  1. Frankie Griffen
    August 11, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    OUTER PARKSIDE, THE RIPTIDE, 9:06PM: “You know, the subway’s shutting down at 9:30, so, let’s call it a night.”

    • neutral_corner
      August 11, 2015 at 4:31 pm

      A million ^’s for you, sir.

  2. James
    June 12, 2016 at 8:51 am

    For real that’s the best you can do for the Castro? A lame broken old stereotype double entendre.