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The 5 Worst Types of Roommates

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Having a good roommate is invaluable.  You have someone to hangout with when you get home, someone to split the bills with, someone who can introduce you to cool new people and ideas.  But if you have a real stinker of a roommate like a person you don’t get along with, someone who adds stress to your life, someone whose sense of hygiene is different than yours…you could be in for a rough, hellish time.  If you’ve ever shared a flat, or interviewed potential roommates, you may be able to relate.

The Five Worst Types of Roommates

5. The “Now I Have A Live-In Girlfriend/Boyfriend” Roommate

complex

 

Yeah, they’re paying for one, but now you essentially have two roommates because their significant other is ALWAYS at your house.  They fight in common areas, they have really LOUD sex, and they complain to you about each other when the other isn’t around.  You are now the third wheel, out-numbered, and out-voted.  You are stuck in the middle when they need you, but pushed to edge of the bed when they don’t.

4. The ‘Single White Female’
the clinger

Oh she is super into you…she likes your clothes, she thinks your friends are the coolest, she loves making prolonged eye contact.  Before you know it she is watching you when you sleep, checking your text messages and ‘running into you’ at your favorite events.  You have been Single White Femaled.  When she cuts her hair to match yours, and asks if you’d be cool with her dating your ex-boyfriend, it may be time to move to Arizona.  Single White Female also comes in guy form.  Single White Male is equally menacing

the clinger two

3. The 20-Something Tech-Bro
brogrammer

The fridge is full of your half empty take-out boxes, he wants to put a ping pong table in the living room along with some movie posters.  Given how much money he makes, his wardrobe is… very sad.  Social media is very important to him, and he ‘crushes it’.  Unfortunately his mother never taught him how to wash dishes, cook for himself or clean his own room.  He spent his formative years coding, studying code, and listening to Lil Wayne records.  So socially he is a child and financially he is a 6 figured adult.  He is uninteresting and lacks a sense of style but at the same time is very demanding and self-important.  Upside is he can afford to pay more rent and the house WiFi is fast, downside is, his only friends are from work…and they are just like him.

2. The Drug Addict (specifically stimulants)

ckckhead

Holy shit buddy, calm down.  Why are you microwaving your socks at 4am?  Who opened all these cupboards?  Did you sell my toaster?  If you’re roommate likes to do meth…a lot, you are in trouble.  It’s like trying to negotiate with a hummingbird.  His friends are weird, his schedule keeps changing, and you never quite know if he’ll have the rent at the end of the month.

 

 1. Works From Home Guy
2013-01-21 10.24.18

Yeah…they didn’t put pants on again today did they?  If you have to mandate a “No Shirt-cocking” rule during the first month you are in big trouble.  This person is a telecommunicator, a ‘virtual assistant’ or worse…A WRITER!  They spend way too much time stinking up the joint, the seat cushions have a permanent indentation of their butt in it, they always have more energy than you when you get home from work, and you’re pretty sure they leave their socks on during sex.  You don’t exactly know why they annoy you, maybe its their smug story about the 3 hour lunch break they took that day, or it’s because they’ve told you 4 times now that “commuting everyday would just kill me, I just couldn’t do it man.”

Other Potential Worst Roommates to look out for:
Pig Pen
Video Game Addict
Passive Aggressive Note-writer
Compulsive Liar 
Food Thief
Clips Toenails In Living Room
Beginning Violin Player

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

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