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Best Horror Movies to Watch on Valentine’s Day

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Who says terror can’t be romantic? Fear is a lot like love in that they both involve lots of squishy feelings. Sometimes, you want to spend Valentine’s (alone or as a couple or in an attempt to give your monthly sex party an extra layer of fun) watching cinematic examples of affection gone horribly wrong. Or right, depending on your perspective. You can either curl up next to your sweetheart or sob relentlessly in bed until you pass out from sheer exhaustion like you were planning to do anyway.

So here are suggestions for you to make that special holiday even more meaningful with some horror. And trust me, I’m very good at conveying the tenor of a movie with my descriptions.
Rosemary’s Baby

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Image from RobbinsRealm Blog

A classic is a classic, am I right? Watch Mia Farrow wander around all cute and confused as she worries about the state of her marriage to an occasionally distant husband. Spoiler alert, he isn’t cheating on her. He’s mostly just trying to get her pregnant. Surprisingly pregnant.
The Shining

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Image from Youtube

Speaking of classics, what’s a man to do when he’s lost the trust of his wife and child? Why, take them on an awesome vacation of course. And there’s nowhere better than a giant abandoned hotel in the middle of nowhere that he apparently did no research into the history of at all.

Creep

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Image from Log’s Line

This is for all you bromancers out there. A simple man is looking for another simple man to videotape him. But not for any weird reasons. It’s more like a slightly weird reason that gets progressively weirder and then somehow devolves into wolf masks and gyrating. A true love story for the ages.

It Follows

it follows film still

Image from The Guardian

I hope you’ve heard by now what a great movie this is. If you haven’t, I’d love to explain that it’s a coming-of-age story in which a young woman explores her sexuality in all its awkwardness and misgivings. It’s also about friendship and running. Lots of running.
The Strangers

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Image from Virginie’s Cinema

A beautiful couple spend a nice weekend together and though the girlfriend says she isn’t ready for the guy’s proposal of marriage, there’s still hope for these young people. Then some friends come over to help them get over the tension. That’s it. That’s all that happens. Though I vaguely remember something about masks and knives.
Audition

audition

Image from Life Vs Film

It’s wonderful to watch two people fall in love, especially when it’s a long and rocky road to get there. You’re especially happy to them when one of the people has a ton of emotional baggage that they’re trying their best to work through. It’s just that, sometimes, you don’t always agree with the methods used to get over trauma and then you regret how much you rooted for the couple.
Cat People 

Image from the Collinsport Historical Society

Image from the Collinsport Historical Society

Ok, I know it’s really easy here to make a joke about single ladies and cats. That’s why you should watch this movie and remind yourself how great women are in general. Also, cats. They’re pretty cool, right? The way the slink around and purr and occasionally maul people.

Bonus Flicks

Excision: It’s about high school.

Suspiria: It’s about ballet.

Candyman: It’s about interracial couples.

The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears: It’s about neighbors.

The Innkeepers: It’s about a Bed and Breakfast.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: …………..I mean.

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Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

At age 2, I was getting run over by a bike in an alley in China. At age 8, I was avoiding man-o-wars on Tybee Island. At age 14, I was overdrinking sweet tea while running through the woods barefoot. At age 20, I was learning Art History and how to drop it low. At age 25, I was making fun of drum circles at Dolores. At every age, I am charming the fuck out of you. Just wait, it'll happen.