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The 6 Craziest Presidential Sex Scandals

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Our current president brags about sexual assault. And he’s been accused of rape multiple times. And he has very likely colluded with foreign governments. So I figured what better time to throw out a little bit of dirty US history. We’ve had some pretty crazy presidential sex scandals in the past, and these are the craziest.

James Buchanan was Gay

James-Buchanan-and-william-rufus-king

photo from tumblr

I originally wanted to make this article about the Gayest US Presidents, but I really couldn’t find that much info. I mean there’s a lot of speculation that Abe Lincoln was gay, and its pretty much acknowledged that Eleanor Roosevelt was a lesbian, but I couldn’t find too much more than that. That said, the consensus is in, and the experts all agree that while James Buchanan was our 15th US President, he was also our first Queen.

Not only was Buchanan the sole bachelor to ever be president, he also lived with William Rufus King (a former Vice President) for over 10 years. Andrew Jackson was said to have called them “Miss Nancy” and “Aunt Fancy” (slang for effeminate or gay men at the time). What’s interesting is that Buchanan wasn’t even that deeply in the closet. He even admits to having gone “a wooing to several gentlemen” in a letter. You can learn all about it here.

Thomas Jefferson Had Kids With His Slave, Sally Hemings

sally-hemings

found on pintrest, but I highly doubt this is an actual portrait of Sally

I can’t get over how fucked up it is to not only own slaves, but then also have sex with them. It’s institutionalized rape: How do you say “no” to a motherfucker who literally owns you. The irony that Thomas Jefferson had a multiple decade long with his slave, Sally Hemings, is especially ironic considering he was such a proponent of the idea of “personal freedom”.

To make things even more shady, Sally Hemings was the daughter John Wayles and his slave Betty Hemings, which meant she was half sister to Thomas’s wife Martha Wayles Jefferson. Man, I bet Thanksgiving was pretty damn awkward with that huge, rapey family. Jefferson and Hemings ended up having six children together. Read more about it all here.

George W. Bush was Accused of Rape and then His Accuser Committed Suicide

In 2002 a Texas woman named Margie Schoedinger filed a lawsuit in a Fort Bend County court alleging that George W. Bush had repeatedly abducted, drugged, raped and beat her and her husband. While no one took this case very seriously, the plot thickened when she was later found dead by what an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. Conspiracy theorists of course had a field day with this one. Learn more about this here.

Lyndon B. Johnson Liked to Show off His Huge Johnson

LBJ

image from 9 facts.

LBJ was proud of his huge dong. So much so that he named it “Jumbo” and used any excuse to show it off to people. He was known for finding excuses to go skinny dipping and after finishing up at a urinal would turn around, show his cock to those in the bathroom and say “Have you ever seen anything as big as this?” He was so obsessed with his penis that he had the shower at the White House adjusted so his member would get directly sprayed. Learn more here.

Grover Cleveland Raped and Impregnated a Woman and then had her Committed

Grover Cleveland

While working as a lawyer in Buffalo, NY, Grover Cleveland impregnated a department store clerk named Maria Halpin. While he asserted that the sex was consensual, Halpin charged that not only had he raped her, he then used his political power to get her sun put into a foster home. Shortly afterwards Halpin was sent to an insane asylum.

All this came to light during Cleveland’s 1884 Presidential campaign. His opponents even started a chant that said  “Ma, ma, where’s my Pa?” Grover Cleveland was a total creep. Learn more here.

John F. Kennedy Was a Sex Addict

Jfk

image from Odyssey

Who didn’t JFK bang? I mean I’m amazed he got anything done at all considering the dude had sex with pretty much every woman he came in contact with. From famous women like Marilyn Monroe and Marlena Dietrich to White House interns, Kennedy’s sex addiction is so legendary that if he hadn’t been assassinated he probably would’ve been killed by VD. Learn more here.

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".

2 Comments

  1. Kip Konner
    February 16, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Stuart, I love your writing, except when you leave words out every other sentence. Please, hire a proofreader. Thanks, a fan.

  2. Jennifer Bishop
    February 24, 2016 at 3:29 am

    How broke are you that you overlooked the word SUN in place of SON in regard to placing her SUN in foster care ? I disagree this person is any type of praise worthy writer- nor one that even cares that “I don’t know if this is an actual portrait of Sally Helms, Jefferson’s mistress for so many years. Of course it isn’t. Do you think slaves had portraits commissioned ? Better yet by a man that wrote books with his advising that Africans were less superior race, and they even smell bad and sweat abnormally ? Leaving out they sweat profusely from back breaking work building his Monticello and farming his thousand of different agriculture he adored so often? You embarrass me when I adore history and our story as a nation and junk is thrown to such a wide network of the wed today. I can do much better work and won’t need pinterest to fact check inaccuaracies online this . Send me a topic if you think I am wrong. This is a dog eat dog world. Grammar is golden rule number one- and you can sink fast showing you don’t care enough to have an editor to make something a piece you can be proud to own.