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9 Best SF Restaurants for Break-Ups

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Sometimes, you gotta do it.

Actually, if you’re in SF, you’re probably doing it a lot. The general consensus seems to be that dating here is…um…arduous…if not down-right shitty sometimes.

So when the time comes to break-it-off easy, or hard (you do you), pick a good spot for it. In public. Where someone can call the police.

1. Tartine
600 Guerrero St

Tartine_bakery_exterior_in_2006

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

You’ve got two scenarios here:
a) you break up in line and disappear into the crowd at Dolores or
b) you break up after ordering at the counter so at least you both have carbs available to eat your feelings.

2. Spices II
291 6th Ave

wikimapia-spicesii

Firstly, we all know that Spices II is better than Spices I. Now that’s out of the way, you won’t have to worry about what he or she is going to say because tongues will be aflame and everyone will already be crying. (SPICEY )

3.  In-N-Out
333 Jefferson St

tripadvisorin

Image courtesy of TripAdvisor

How mad can anyone stay at an In-N-Out?

4. Benu
22 Hawthorne St

Image courtesy of finedininglovers,com

Image courtesy of finedininglovers,com

Now’s the time to ask yourself: how much of a dick am I? Three Michelin stars, 4 glasses of wine, and one unpaid bill later, I guess you’ll find out by noticing whether or not you’re climbing through the restaurant window.

5. Kin Khao
55 Cyril Magnin St

Image courtesy of KQED

Image courtesy of KQED

I just really like this restaurant and am hoping you’ll provide some entertainment in the future. Also, their cocktails are really good.

6. Taco Bell Cantina
710 3rd St

Image courtesy of SF Chronicle

Image courtesy of SF Chronicle

It’s like a metaphor, right? No matter how hard you tried and how much you dressed it up, you’re still just a dirty, empty shell of a thing inside.

7. Eddie’s Cafe
800 Divisadero St

Image courtesy of sf.eater.com

Image courtesy of sf.eater.com

If you’re into vibes, and I’m willing to bet you are, look no further than your friendly neighborhood diner. You can write out a Tarantino-esque monologue about how it actually isn’t you, it’s them.

8. Denny’s
816 Mission St

Image courtesy of placesiveeaten.com

Image courtesy of placesiveeaten.com

Walk in depressed. Force your SO to eat depressed (and probably confused). Everyone leaves depressed. Nobody wins. Or everybody wins. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

9. Goat Hill Pizza on Monday Nights
300 Connecticut St

Image courtesy of sanfranciscodays,com

Image courtesy of sanfranciscodays.com

Monday night is All-You-Can-Eat pizza at Goat Hill in Potrero. So, first of all, you’re welcome. Second of all, you’ll both be so catatonic that no one’s feelings will come into play.

In hindsight, I feel as though this article may come back to bite me in the ass one day.

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Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

At age 2, I was getting run over by a bike in an alley in China. At age 8, I was avoiding man-o-wars on Tybee Island. At age 14, I was overdrinking sweet tea while running through the woods barefoot. At age 20, I was learning Art History and how to drop it low. At age 25, I was making fun of drum circles at Dolores. At every age, I am charming the fuck out of you. Just wait, it'll happen.