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The Worst Passive Aggressive Moves on BART

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As someone who lives in Oakland and works in San Francisco, I deeply understand the psychic and sensory warfare involved with commuter life. BART can mentally break you if you give it an inch, thus it’s best to approach the whole fiasco with a little piss and vinegar in your heart. That stupid train, like many things in life, presents you with problems that you can elect to take with meekness, psychotic rage, or as some people elect, ‘pagro’ problem solving measures. Let us explore some of these passive aggressive tactics that make my rage explode!

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As I type the word “backpack” I can feel my jaw clenching in just pent up rage. Mother fucker the train is packed and you seem to be oblivious to the fact that you keep hitting me with it whenever you move. Put that shit on the ground.

 

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Giving up your seat on BART sucks, but sitting there with your headphones on pretending to not see that person who legit needs a seat makes you a fully certified asshole.

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This (guilty as charged)

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I am sitting by the window, you are sitting by the aisle, thus obstructing my ability to easily get out when my stop arrives. Instead of standing up so I can get out, you make a half-assed attempt to draw your knees in closer so I can scooch by. I hate you.

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I see you there, all up on the pole like you are trying to make it rain. Look, that fixture is made to accommodate many hands it is not sole property of yourself. So back the fuck up.

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Hey, you people loitering up against the side of the wall. Can you please turn and look at said wall. You see those cute drawings of bikes? Adorable, right? Now look to the other side, see those people with bikes who are looking at you expectantly? Yeah, move your ass so they can put their bikes there.

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Unless you are 20 years old, drunk, and all squishing into a phone booth, no one likes the game sardines. But BART, being the chariot of the masses, is kind of the adult equivalent of that very same game. Only you aren’t drunk, they aren’t your friends, and it is most certainly not a game. Bearing this in mind, move the fuck in and make room for other people.

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I am sure at some point when you were a child someone informed you that when your head blocked their view of the television that you made a better door than a window. These same laws of obstruction still apply but now in a physical sense. So move the fuck out of the doorway so people can enter and exit the train as quickly as possible.

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Kit Friday -Mild in the Streets

Kit Friday -Mild in the Streets

I am a writer, DJ, musician, vandal and I travel a lot.

11 Comments

  1. disqus_er3g2byx2B
    April 7, 2016 at 10:55 am

    Why is it that people stew about this shit and don’t just talk to a stranger, ask for what they want? Pre-iPhones, that was the norm. (Actually, pre-Palm Pilots and those hand gambling games.)

    And why do you require the names of my friends to comment through Facebook? You guys suck.

  2. tuckers_kahuna
    April 7, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    Though I look pretty fit and capable, I actually have balance problems, so riding standing up in the train is a problem for me, and for other passengers near me that I can routinely fall into or push into like a drunken sailor. So I will take seats as much as possible. when in a seat and someone wants to get out I would prefer to wait until the train stops to get up otherwise there is about a 50% chance I will fall down while the train is moving. There is plenty of time to get up out of your seat after it stops and exit the train, but people seem to need to do this while the train is moving. This can be a real problem for etiquette and I can get a lot of stink eye from passengers, and I usually get up early and frequently tumble. Also, if I have to stand, I do have to hog a pole or have two places to brace myself while riding. This also gets a lot of stink eye from people who think I am just being inconsiderate.

  3. Anne Marie Moore
    April 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    “Better Door than a Window”….that was one of my Grandmas. There were so many of us that she had additional little bon mots to get us to move our fat heads. My favorite, “Your Daddy must’ve drank dirty water cuz I sure can’t see through you.” I hope I remember that one right.

  4. Dolly Fine
    April 7, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    I hate the people who step into the train and just stop. They are going to stay at the door no matter how many people are behind them, nor how much room is in front of them.

  5. Dina
    April 14, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    I am that crazy person who – when the train pulls in and the doors open and people are packed in like sardines – plows in anyway and points to ALL THAT ROOM in the middle of the car and does the tetris dance over people’s shit while everyone looks at me like a crazy person, or not at all because their faces are shoved in their phones and can’t look up for one second to pay attention to what’s happening around them. I’ve gotten so much attitude from people and comments like “GIRL, there ain’t no room on this train – I don’t know WHERE you think you’re going!!!!” I also wonder how many trains the average person waits for to come through before they actually attempt to board….I see these blank looks of despair when the doors open and people see how crowded the trains are – but I rarely see people summon the nerve to attempt to board. this all sends me into such a RAGE!!!!!

  6. Holdin27
    April 18, 2016 at 10:54 am

    Your 10 minute BART ride must be awful!

  7. DragonflyBeach
    April 28, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    Berkeley-Montgomery rider. On the days I commute to SF from Berkeley, or specifically on the commute back, it irritates the shit out of me when suburban riders (i.e. far out passed Rockridge on Bay Point trains) want to hang out in the doorway rather than stand in the aisle. Its like, “bro your stop ain’t for 20 minutes.”

  8. C.G. Hoblitzell
    May 30, 2016 at 12:35 pm

    You lost quite a bit of your credibility in the very first complaint. You say “the train is packed,” yet there are clearly 2 open seats in your picture, even a third open seat that you can see in the corner, not to mention all the other standing room your picture illustrates. Its pretty lame to shame someone publicly with a picture over a circumstance that doesn’t actually exist. The rest all are great points. What amazes me is how many people passively, or silently get angry over this stuff. Feel free to you know- talk to people. When the middle of the train is empty and its packed by the doors and a bajillion people are trying to get on, I just vocalize, “There is plenty of room over here! Move into the train!”

  9. KP
    April 8, 2017 at 7:28 am

    Mostly the same problems on the MUNI metro. The backpack/messenger bag/giant purse issue makes we want to ride with.a baseball bat. In London they have signs every where: backpacks down A-hole.

  10. Sascha Bittner
    October 18, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Use the bike space for bikes leave the disabled space for those who need it (like me) If you are standing in the disabled space and it isn’t totally crowded, move if someone in a wheelchair comes in. (I give people breaks during crowded times). An added benefit of me being in my wheelchair space is it frees up room for people to enter and exit a train, unless you like bumping into someone in a wheelchair.

  11. qnofrods
    October 19, 2017 at 11:48 am

    I just want to know WHY people insist on standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOORS when they aren’t getting off anytime in the near future? They cling to the pole and will not budge even when a wave of people are trying to get off downtown. Daily commute hell.