Love & Sex Toy Horoscopes For May
This post is made possible by the sex toy experts at Good Vibrations. To get 15% OFF any of their products use code “broke“, and celebrate International Masturbation month at Good Vibrations Boutique on Sunday May 15th!
May is International Masturbation Month, which means the earth will soon be a much happier, more fulfilled planet. Spring is in the air and it is an incredibly stimulating time for many. But while the planets are lining up for some, the heavens may also be creating romantic chaos for others. Everything you need to know about your sexual fate this month is written bellow.
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
It’s your time Taurus, birthday season, your turning over a new leaf. Venus is entering your sign and the patient and reliable side of you will be taking a back seat. If your current lover is a fire or earth sign, they may not admit it, but they secretly want to see the more possessive & aggressive side of you. Embrace it, the stars recommend ‘pegging’ this month.
Mars in Sagittarius turned retrograde on you in April. Which means you need to stop banging that bartender you think is bad for you and get serious. We both know you can’t keep it in your pants while waiting for something real to come along, so the stars recommend a Mini Wand to tide you over in May.
Your Ex called you ‘duplicitous’, but they had no idea what that really meant. Double headed dildo time, the stars are calling for a team effort.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Everyone is going to know you’re a show-off this month. Your big swinging vagina, your flashy clothes, the glimmer in your eye. That’s right, these nipple clamps will keep you inline, you dirty, dirty lion.
Venus met Uranus on April 22, creating a thought-provoking conundrum. You’re attracting many interesting people, but you really just feel like being alone. Get some butt plugs. It should have been obvious to you.
There’s something really big coming your way this month. Can’t tell you what it is…this is your only hint:
You’re a kinky motherf**ker. But a physical or emotional setback may force you to the sidelines this month. You’re going to need The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex, to get your disgusting stinger to work properly again.
Your lifelong search for your soulmate will come to an end at last when you discover it was actually a coffee colored Captain Silicone Dildo named ‘Ron’ all along. You can wait until you draw this conclusion on your own or just lean in and buy it now.
Jupiter/Saturn form a square on May 26th, reconfirming your suspicion that it’s best to wait before taking romantic action. Which means you should have some meaningless sex with a stranger.
There is a very awkward date on your horizon. You want to tell them how horny you are, without sounding overzealous. That’s why you simply wear a subtle necklace vibrator, if they don’t get the hint, simply turn it on while it’s hanging from your neck and then refuse to break eye contact for several minutes.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
On May 21st, it will be a full ‘flower’ moon, and you will want to be somewhere near water, out of earshot. We recommend Baker Beach at midnight with a waterproof vibrator.
Join very special guest Jenny Block, author of The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex, to celebrate Masturbation!
Whether you are happily coupled, on your own, poly, or demonstrating for your lover(s) your solo skills, Block has the very best advice on how to pleasure yourself masterfully and share the love. Enjoy (and be enlightened by) the science of sex, wild and wonderful ideas for upping the ante, and lots of suggestions for use of toys. Good Vibrations is where International Masturbation Month began—come get inspired and filled with solo-sex pride!
Sunday, May 15th, 4:00pm – 6:00pm
Location: Good Vibrations Polk Store
1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento Street) SF, CA 94118