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How To Consume Edibles And Not Lose Your Mind

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Dude-jelliesEdibles have come a long way since you first saw the Truffle Guy in Dolores Park. We now have edibles with highly controlled potency levels, precise labeling and even tiny “micro-dose” edible products for first-timers and dabblers. Unlike that time on Phish tour when you bought a sheet of blotter without knowing whether it was bunk, today’s medical cannabis dispensary edibles come in exquisite, professional packaging and are clearly labeled for potency.

kivathc

Take a look at this cannabis-infused vanilla chai bar. Perhaps the most California product ever produced, you are at first taken aback by the detailed marijuana etching on the chocolate. But the important thing here is that big number 60 on the packaging. This tells you there are 60 milligrams of THC in the product. That’s a fairly modest dose for a stoner, but perhaps a little much for a beginner. The doses get way bigger and way smaller, in the delightful range of varieties we cover below.

MICRODOSES

hippotreats_final

These tiny smiling chocolate hippopotamuses have but a teeny-tiny 5 milligrams of THC in them. That is perfect for a cannabis newbie! The chefs at Hippo Treats have concocted these “micro-dose” portions that allow for totally controlled, managed dosing. You can eat one, give it some time and nibble another if you so desire.

“Everyone knows someone who’s had an edibles overdose nightmare,” says Hippo Treats’ Malcolm Hood. “And while some patients really need the high dose, or some situations, like a triple feature kung fu movie marathon, are great for totally zoning out, most of us prefer a mellow high that fits our super busy work schedule and our active outdoor California lifestyle. HippoTreats are dosed like a glass of wine, not five shots of tequila in a single glass. This allows anyone, regardless of edibles experience, to safely work their way up to the desired elevated state without going overboard.”

MEGADOSES

ultimatebtownie

At yon other end of the spectrum, we have the 1,500 milligram Ultimate Medicated Brownie. That is 300 times the potency of the Hippo Treat! This is the kind of thing that when you buy, the dispensary’s budtender tells you, “Do not eat it all at once.” Then they send another budtender over who tells you “Seriously, do not eat it all at once.”


 

The dispensary’s budtender tells you, “Do not eat it all at once.” Then they send another budtender over who tells you “Seriously, do not eat it all at once.”


 

I’ve heard many tales of paranoid freak-outs where people vomit, think their heart stopped and think they’re dead and in hell. That’s no fun. Megadose edibles should be nibbled as just a single bite — not the whole brownie — or maybe a fifth of it at the most. Unless you’re Tommy Chong himself (or in that general category of advanced stonerdom), you should avoid consuming more than 100 milligrams in a single sitting.

DOSES THAT HIT YOU FASTER

strictlyed_donut

The delightful, Homer Simpson-esque donuts seen above are created by Strictly Edibles, whose “secret sauce” is actually coconut oil. Coconut oil not only cancels the danky taste of marijuana in the edible, but also speeds the effect of the THC hitting your system for faster-acting action.

Coconut oil. Is there anything it can’t do?

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.