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The Worst Haircuts In Euro Cup 2016

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There are many fascinating aspects to Europe’s greatest football tournament.  24 countries coming together and competing for the title of ‘best in all of Europe’.  There are age old rivalries, hundreds of thousands of fans pouring into French stadiums, and many of the greatest footballers on earth competing for their countries.  So of course we at brokeassstuart.com decided to talk about haircuts.  Because you can read about all that other shit on espn.

We are not sure if Dennis Rodman was the first athlete to make ridiculous hair part of his image, but here are some of his European equivalents.

Belgium: Radja Nainggolan
Hairstyle: “The Psychopath”

Radja Nainggolan 2

Radja Nainggolan,  via www.sudinfo.be

This is the mohawk you wanna wear if you’re selling energy drinks to 13 year old boys at the Warp Tour, but probably should be avoided in like…every other situation.

Croatia: Ivan Perisic
Hairstyle: “Patriot Rash”

perisic_hair

Ivan Perisic, photo via www.fourfourtwo.com

Points for patriotism, penalty for hygiene.

 

Slovakia: Marek Hamsik
Hairstyle: “The Can Opener”

Russia-v-Slovakia-Euro-2016-Group-B

via pulse.ng

To quote Rodney Dangerfield, “Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it”.  Holy good God, keep your hands and pets away from that yapper at all times.  Oh! and the square mohawk is also a problem.

France: Paul Pogba
Hairstyle: “Funky Billboard”

Football Soccer - France Training - Stade de France, Saint-Denis near Paris, France - 9/6/16 France's Paul Pogba during training REUTERS/Darren Staples Livepic

REUTERS/Darren Staples Livepic

Pogba gets points for creativity, as he changes his hairdo seemingly every game.

Austria:  Marko Arnautovic
Hairstyle: “The Vienna Sausage”

Austrian national soccer player Marko Arnautovic appears with a new haircut at a public training in Vienna March 23, 2015. Austria will play a Euro 2016 Group G qualifying match against Liechtenstein on March 27, 2015. REUTERS/Heinz-Peter Bader

REUTERS/Heinz-Peter Bader

We’re not sure what you were thinking either.  Wearing a ponytail on the top of your head makes you look like a sausage link.

Wales: Aaron Ramsey & Gareth Bale
Hairstyle: Manbun & Q-Tip

aaron-ramsey-gareth-bale-wales_3477063

via www.skysports.com

I once bleached my hair when I was 14 years old…I’m glad I got that mistake out of the way early.  But the manbun?  There’s just no excuse for it.

Belgium: Marouane Fellaini
Hairstyle: “The Eagle’s Nest”

marouane fellaini

http://www.theguardian.com/

My God…are there eggs hidden in that thing?  Seriously, do birds follow you around?

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

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