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Which Famous A**holes Are Going To Burning Man 2016?

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BMassholes2016

Who are the rich and famous a**holes you’ll see turnt up at the turnkey camps of Burning Man 2016?  Based on their public comments, social media posts and history of going to Burning Man every year because they can afford to, we’ve updated last year’s Which Famous Assholes are Going to Burning Man list to determine which famous assholes will be arriving in private jets to plug-and-play at the the Burning Man 2016 festival.

Realize there is no way to say definitively whether a person is going to Burning Man almost four weeks out from the event. Health issues, spontaneous weddings or unplanned life events can come at you fast and alter your calendar no matter your socioeconomic status. Perfectly good Burners have to cancel their Burning Man plans every year, and this is even truer for wealthy asshole Burners. But from what can we can tell from public remarks and social media shit-talking, these are the richest, most famous assholes going to Burning Man 2016.

 


PARIS HILTON –  DEFINITELY GOING [UPDATE!!!]

She’s already there and you can see her tweets above!  Ms. Hilton claims to be ” entering into for the first time”, even though she tweeted that she went last year. Maybe Paris Hilton doesn’t even realize that Paris Hilton went to Burning Man last year.

katyperry_insta

Image: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/7SCy_4P-Tp/

 

KATY PERRY – MAYBE GOING

Girl-kissing firework and pop star Katy Perry attended her first Burning Man last year, as evidenced by the above Instagram on which she mishandles a Segway scooter. Ms. Perry has not announced plans to attend this year (nor did she announce her plans last year), but she currently has no conflicting tour dates scheduled.

leo

LEONARDO DICAPRIO – MAYBE GOING

Finally Oscar-winning asshole Leo DiCaprio has attended the last two Burning Man festivals, staying at the widely-reviled rich asshole camp Caravancicle. Considering that this year’s theme is also Leonardo-oriented, you may see DiCaprio’s man-bun and model girlfriend at a turnkey camp on an outer-ring H street near you.

sarandon

SUSAN SARANDON – MAYBE GOING

Fresh off having literally the worst time at the Democratic National Convention, Ms. Sarandon may take solace on the playa, as she did last year when she attended and took Timothy Leary’s ashes to the Temple.

norquist_article

GROVER NORQUIST – DEFINITELY GOING

Pompous Libertarian asshole Grover Norquist has announced on Twitter (July 17) that he is definitely attending Burning Man 2016, after a busy summer at the Republican National Convention and the Aspen Ideas Festival (which should be called the Asshole Ideas Festival)

diddy

PUFF DADDY – DEFINITELY NOT GOING

What’s this asshole calling himself these days? Not sure. But pop star and purveyor of fine apparel for the asshole demographic Puff Daddy is occupied with the Bad Boy Family Reunion tour, despite attending Burning Man 2015 and proudly commodifying Burning Man in a Fiat commercial in years past.

me

ME – DEFINITELY GOING

I’m that asshole who calls other people assholes even though I’m doing the exact same thing as those assholes. Hell, I’ve even got two of the above-named assholes are on my iPod right now! These famous assholes, admittedly, are some of the most creative and motivated people in contemporary arts and culture. They don’t have time to build their own cupcake muffin cars because they’re busy and they generally have more important things to do. But I will squat alongside them on federally managed lands for a week and have Star Wars-themed parties together, and in a way that’s kind of a beautiful thing.

But it will probably be a more beautiful thing for you if you can avoid me and these assholes at Burning Man 2016.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.