The Final Prez Debate: A Vegas Threesome

20 Oct 2016

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Three is the magic number. The third Presidential debate was everything Goldilocks was looking for, and I don’t mean Trump. Although I’m pretty sure he thinks it was. All disjointed delusional billionaires aside, this debate was perfect for anyone who had seen all three or just this one. The first debate was just too hot (and drunk if you played the debate drinking game), the second debate was just too cold and boring but this third debate was just right. You got everything you needed from both candidates plus props need to be given to Fox’s Chris Wallace for being the most OG of moderators this election.

US Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump (L) and US Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton arrive for the final presidential debate at the Thomas and Mack Center on the campus of the University of Las Vegas in Las Vegas, Nevada on October 19, 2016. / AFP / SAUL LOEB (Photo credit should read SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

Coming into this, and all debates, I really did try to be open-minded and unbiased. A little “Woosah!” and whiskey and I felt prepared enough to dissect the debate and focus on the serious issues and differences between the Republican and Democrat nominees. For the record, this is not to persuade or dissuade, because hopefully with less than three weeks until Election Day, you’ve made up your mind. Here’s looking at you Ken Bone, time for the highlights.

Notably, Mr. Donald John Trump (DJT) had his best debate performance, here are some of his most mentionable moments::

DJT was so ready for this he went straight to podium, where Hillary takes extra time to showboat and wave and smile to the crowd (even kiss the ass of Chris Wallace).
Donald J. must be taking better care of himself, an analysis shows his sniffles were down 40% this debate.
Mr. Trump is also hilarious, he even made Chris Wallace laugh and has given so much free comedic material to every late night show.
The Donald has 20 justices he’s willing to appoint to the Supreme Court, 20! Now that’s being proactive, he doesn’t even need that many, talk about taking risk into consideration.
Trump is a great story teller and can exacerbate any detail and make everything he says more noticeable, no matter what it’s about. That’s talent!
Don John really wants, “The constitution the way it was meant to be.” That means he will support you and your right to bear arms as our forefathers wanted. You’ll get to open carry your muskets and flintlock pistols!
DT is so pro-life he is against babies being separated from their mothers just days before the nine-month mark. Now that’s dedication to pregnancy!
Donnie’s economic plan would bring the national debt to 105% of GDP, meaning it would be larger than the country’s total economic production. 105%? If school has taught me anything that’s an A+, right?
DJ has been working on his Spanish so he can be more relatable to “The Latinos”. He even put a little into his debate, “…bad hombres and we have to get them out!”.
Speaking of taking better care of himself, it looks like Donald Trump has relaxed on the self tanner, becoming less orange and more white. This is probably his strategy since white is one of the three colors in the American flag and 96% of his supporters.
Trumpster said he was contemplating a lot in his apartment in his hotel before the debate. Now there’s a man who enjoys being deep in thought and resourceful.
Don T says he’s learned so much while campaigning over the last year. That’s impressive, a man his age and still willing to learn brand new topics he knew nothing about.
Donald is so adamant about immigration he is willing to find and flush out
Trumpy has talked more about Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida, Chicago and upstate New York than any other area with voters. Admirably that very conservative of him, there’s no need to exhaust yourself reaching out to the rest of the country.
Donald J. Trump has so much knowledge and respect for inner cities he has turned a culture and race into a title because nothing sounds better than “The African-Americans” when referencing getting shot on the way to the store.
Donnie Johnnie is so excited and prepared for Election Day, that he made sure to let everyone know that it is, in fact, November 8th.
DoJoTru last night took the conservative approach to the results of this election and will give the due diligence of looking at it at that time. The next morning he must’ve slept so well and had dreams of the presidency that he upgraded his gentlemen’s answer of not conceding to a very confident, “I will totally accept the election results if I win”.

With his amber waves of grain hairdo, Trump is poised to receive a bigly 40% of the vote at this time, but only time will tell. His opponent Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton, former First Lady, Senator and Secretary of these United States had a pretty good show as well for her final debate of this election, here’s some of her highlights:

Hillary Clinton wants to tear up your second amendment rights just to save lives, especially those of children, and keep firearms out of the hands of convicted criminals and those on the no-fly list.
Hillary Clinton is pro-choice. Why on earth would a woman want to be in charge of her own well-being, body and quality of life of a child? Her only grounds are that she’s a mother, grandmother and has campaigned for human rights.
Hillary Clinton is against the Trump’s plan to deport all illegal immigrants. She believes that the thousands of man hours and multiple resources will be extremely expensive and dangerous and can break up families who have been contributing their labor and taxes for decades. Never in the history of this country have we had non-native people come in to permanently live here so getting rid of 15 million people makes sense.
Hillary Clinton believes that investing should not be from the top down. Geez Hil, that’s the easiest way to get something done! It’s so much easier to drop a bowling ball from a building than it is to roll it down the middle of lane. Yes, it might destroy things on it’s way down and there’s less control nor does it achieve a goal the majority of bowlers and voters can get behind but it’s so simple to explain it must be the best choice.
Hillary Clinton was confronted by Trump about her 30 years a politician and why she hasn’t been able to get laws made, bills passed and how she and Obama have brought heroin and Isis into this country. Secretary Clinton should’ve apologized for all of that as it’s totally possible for just one person to change the state and federal regulations and bringing tons of hardcore drugs and terror threats into our country.
Hillary Clinton was told by Trump that his loan from his dad was only a million dollars. Wow Mrs. Clinton, shame on you from bringing up more money than most people will ever see, let alone that money being turned into billions of dollars in bankruptcy, unpaid federal taxes and money owed to workers and companies, and failed companies and endeavors.
Hillary Clinton wants to add technical learning to our schools and provide free public college to families with a household income under $125K. Yeah like further educating kids with worldly knowledge and know-how as well as providing them an opportunity to better their future and help out our country and economy by providing a debt-free degree is going to help anyone. Taxing those who already make millions so those who weren’t so fortunate can learn, prosper and contribute sounds like a terrible idea. It must be a plan that will fail since she worked on it with Bernie Sanders.
Hillary Clinton suggested that it’s up to all of us to demonstrate who we are, what our country is and it’s our duty make that decision. We should lift people up and celebrate each other and our the United States to make America even greater. Can someone fact-check if the power of positivity, peaceful demonstration, and encouraging others to be great has done anything positive, ever?
Hillary Clinton was more crass than usual during the final debate, speaking over Chris Wallace and Donald Trump to finish her points. As Trump loudly said, “Why the HELL?”, yes why the should she be able to take command when running for Commander in Chief, doesn’t make sense.
Hillary Clinton went on to claim that Trump immediately goes to denying responsibility and never apologizes. She insists that he has made fun of a handicapped reporter, made light of John McCain being a prisoner of war and demeans women with talks of sexual assault. If he did those things why would millions of people believe in him, plus there’s no evidence of derogatory remarks, racism or lies to every come from Trump.
Hillary Clinton talked about the espionage from Russia that Trump called for and yet we never saw anything from Russia about emails given to Wikileaks, Putin making comments about trump or 17 intelligence agencies proving otherwise.
Hillary Clinton stated her foundation has given aide to half of the world’s population living with AIDs. In most instances 50% is failing, what about those other 11 million people? Only 90% of what is raised goes to fund help and research, big deal that makes it only a top 10 humanitarian charity.
Hillary Clinton ended the debate with walking over to shake Chris Wallace’s hand and meet and greet people in the crowd before joining her camp and family. Yet, Trump quietly waited for his wife and kids from three different marriages to meet him up on stage before he quietly slipped away. Wow what a family oriented person you are Hillary, choosing to be cordial to your hosts and guests before you go back to your work, husband and daughter.

Whether you are looking to vote for Putin’s Puppet or Ms. Clinton if ya “nasty”, remember that Chris Wallace closed out the third debate by reminding us that Election Day is less than three weeks away, so go vote as it is the greatest honor to behold as a citizen of this country. Oh and if you’re looking to be fashionable and respectable at the polls, check out these fancy shirts for guys and gals to subtly express your political views.