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Orgasms: The Best Holiday Gift

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Hey ladies, do you feel like your body is constantly under attack?

I do.

I bet you do, too.

When you’re constantly on the defensive about the right to have an abortion, the right to carry your child to term, your inability to conceive and however you need to feel about it, slut-shaming, street harassment, transitioning, same sex relationships, working out more, eating more, eating out more, getting eaten out more…you see my point.

This holiday season, nearly every political discussion you have with your family and friends will in some way revolve around your body. Because now your body is political.

But could your body also be sexy? I hope to god you answered that with an audible “yes“.

So here’s my gift to you for one more way to use your Feminine Rage: by throwing it into your fingers.



Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins started OMGYes with the simple idea that not enough people cared about what gives women pleasure. Sure, there’s Cosmo magazine (does that count as satire) and OneTaste (I’m still unsure if they’re a cult or not but I do know they end up on many “Highest Grossing Companies” lists). But what if you could hear from real women and real research to make your sex life better? What do you really know about female orgasms?

Let me begin by saying I was not asked to write this article. I really care about pleasure, as both a very self-indulgent person and a hopefully very generous one. A good 20-30% of my female (and often male) friendships’ conversations involve sex: the mechanics, the stories, the acquisition and the disappointments of it. So while OMGYes can’t necessarily help you get more of it, it can help you make more of it.

Courtesy of OMGYes

The basic premise is that you buy a subscription (currently $29) for access to a website of testimonials, information, guides and interactive videos to make your vagina quiver. You can even buy a subscription for someone else. I’m looking at you, fellas and fellatios.

If the sight of a vagina being stroked up-close bothers you, you may feel qualms about exploring OMGYes.

But also, maybe it’s time to get over that and start stroking some virtual labia.

There’s no weird cosmic messaging. There’s no overly cheerful metaphors about flowers and fireworks. There’s no shame. This is a straightforward, matter-of-fact and body-positive way for you, your partners, your sisters, your mom(s), your friends, your coworkers (on second thought, this one is iffy according to your HR documents), your everyone to be smarter and more experimental with making women happier.

And really isn’t that the best gift worth giving?

But hey, maybe you don’t want to spend the money. That’s totally fine. Check out the website though and do some investigating on your own then to determine what works for you or seems like fun. I only ask that you try for reputable and informed sources because you should never, ever put yogurt up your cootch…Cosmo magazine.

Keep that in mind when you’re bored at home and your family isn’t around.

Happy Holidays!

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Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

At age 2, I was getting run over by a bike in an alley in China. At age 8, I was avoiding man-o-wars on Tybee Island. At age 14, I was overdrinking sweet tea while running through the woods barefoot. At age 20, I was learning Art History and how to drop it low. At age 25, I was making fun of drum circles at Dolores. At every age, I am charming the fuck out of you. Just wait, it'll happen.