The Most Insane & Bizarre Christmas Movies
From ridiculous families and holiday benders to homicidal Santas, not every Christmas movie is full of cheer and presents, and that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes you just need a little extra flavor in a monotonous cinematic category that understandably touts joy and gift-giving, and then sometimes you just say, “Fuck it, let’s get weird Mrs. Claus!”. Throw these flicks into your holiday movie rotation to add a booze, blood and blunts fueled diversification that will make even Cousin Eddie seem tame.
If you’ve ever seen or heard of Brian Posehn, you can already see how this movie is undoubtedly a twisted black comedy. Posehn’s ‘Uncle Nick’ character is an unabashedly alcoholic sultan of sarcasm with a disdain for his gold-digging brother and the hots for his 20-year-old step-niece. At the same time, he proves to be a true role model for his awkward teen nephew and a true anti-hero of family get-togethers. Plus Missi Pyle is great comic support and there’s actually a decent lesson to be learned too.
Silent Night Deadly Night
‘Hang your stockings and SAY YOUR PRAYERS ‘cause Santa Claus comes tonight!” A toy store Santa or a weapon wielding murder? Why not both! Think about it, you would probably have enough of everyone if your lap had to endure hundreds of sticky and crying spoiled kids wetting their pants all over your lap day in and day out for $6/hr (this was the early ‘80’s). Good thing it was the early ‘80’s because you know that means you get some of the most cheesy but innovative killing scenes. Plus there’s boobs, real ones, Merry Christmas!
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The Night Before
Liquor, cocaine and ‘shrooms. Three of the best friends to grow up with, no not the illicit substances, but Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie decide to part with a 14-year holiday tradition that would definitely end them up on the naughty list. One last rager to get fucked up before they grow up, anyone in their late-20s to mid-30s has been in this situation and can enjoyably relate. Shoot, most of you are are probably still recovering financially, legally or morally from that one last grand hooray. This seasonal shindig sensation is a must for any real holiday party.
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good. SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE! No really, be good, because the centaur-style St. Nick is holiday hunting for anyone being a dick. Based on ancient legends and starring Adam Scott, Toni Collete, David Koechner and Berta from Two and a Half Men, Krampus is a much medieval break from the 34 times you’ve had to endure ‘Miracle on 34th Street’. Technically this is a children’s based film, technically.
See Also: A Christmas Horror Story
No, not the Michael Keaton one, even though that’s the real nightmare maker. This campy low budget horror (in so many ways) is what you get if Chucky were a snowman, the jokes were much worse and it was done with about ⅕ of the money. Just take the essence of Child’s Play, switch witchcraft with science and add ridiculous murder scenes. Oh, and there’s boobs too, Happy Hannukah!