AdviceSan FranciscoSex and Dating

First Date Advice from Fashionable Dogs

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First dates can be tricky.  You’re never 100% sure how to act or what to wear, that’s why we asked some of the best dressed dogs in the city for their advice when it comes to first dates in San Francisco.

Lisa: “Be Open Minded!”

sexy cheerleader

We ran into Lisa at the Lombard st. fire hydrant and she had some great advice.  “Be yourself and be open minded.  Also wear what makes you feel powerful.”

Walter: “Be on time”


Walter was hanging out around some dumpsters at fisherman’s wharf, he casually offered this bit of advice. “Be on time,” walter said, “punctuality says a lot about you and makes a good first impression.”


Carmen: “Share food”

Carmen miranda

Carmen was outside of The Mint on Upper Market, she was adamant about sharing food with your date.  “I was out with a dog who always had to eat first, and kept growling at me when I tried to get a bite, very uncool, totally ruined the evening, I mean, were you raised by wolves?”

Waffles: “Don’t Hump Everything”

im not a weirdo

We ran into Waffles outside of a startup incubator in the SOMA.  “I can’t tell you how many of my first dates got cut short because I couldn’t stop humping things, just be patient, if it’s real, it may take time.  Also, not everyone may be as into Star Wars as you.”

Rufus: “Be Yourself”


Rufus was checking out a farmers market on Division st. when he said, “remind yourself of the great qualities you have and what you are personally bringing to the date.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve.”


Gypsie:  “Let them smell your a**”


Gypsie was outside of Green Apple Books in the Richmond, she said: “Don’t forget to let him sniff your a** within the first 2 minutes of meeting, otherwise things will get awkward and you’ll keep wondering if he’s going to lean in and do it or not.”


Skip: “Mirror Them”

ready for porn

Skip in Washington Square: “don’t be afraid to use mirroring to build a connection.  If she takes a piss on something, you take a piss on something.  If she barks at a truck you bark at that truck.  This works for both partners and will naturally get the two of you interested. However, don’t mirror every tiny movement – it will be too obvious.”


Fudges: “Get yourself into a positive place”


Fudges was doing #2 in the Dog Patch when we caught up with him.  “Get yourself into a positive place,” he said, “connect to a place where you feel most alive and energized and bring that energy into the date with you.”

Zoltar:  “Wag your f**king tail”

street hustler

We caught Zoltar outside of the DNA Lounge: “It sounds obvious, but dogs forget to do it sometimes and it’s rude.  So wag your f**king tail when I meet you, OK?!”

Bella: “Don’t eat garbage right away”

no comment

Outside of Crissy Fields: “My mother always taught me not to eat garbage right away and not to roll around in anything dead on the first date.  It’s great advice I get laid all the time.”

Rocky: “stick to light topics.”


Ocean Beach: “You want the date to be fun and enjoyable, so keep to topics light. Safe things to talk about are chew toys, wet food, holes you’ve dug, and where you live. Avoid talking about cats, flea medication, or politics.  Be bold and steer the conversation towards the fun topics – there’s plenty of time for the heavy stuff later.”

Buddy:  “Always bury your poop”


Buddy works at a large investment banking firm in FiDi, and he just kept repeating, “I always bury my poop, I’m Santa’s little helper.”

Zeek: “Never Chase”


Zeek lives in the Upper Haight, and his advice was simple, “dress cool, be cool, don’t chase cars.”

Daisy: “Don’t be nervous”

dont be afraid

“I used to be a real nervous nelly before first dates and I couldn’t stop shaking.  Then my vet prescribed me Ketamine, and now I feel amazing.”

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife (not so much nightlife anymore).

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