Arsicault Bakery: Home of Buttery Ass Crepe Paper
OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY EMPEROR NORTON’S BOOZELAND THE TENDERLOIN’S NEWEST HISTORIC DIVE. HAPPY HOUR NOON – 7PM
If you’re having trouble finding the tiny store front of this bakery voted best bakery in America by Bon Appetit Magazine in 2016, just follow the shards of croissant dough strewn about like confetti all over that side of Arguello. This was my third attempt at scoring any one of Arsicault’s pastries and I think I finally mastered the timing. There was no line when I walked up on Tuesday a tick before noon. Luckily, I got there when I did because a flood of folks came in immediately after and no croissants were left. I even managed to get an outdoor table to myself, for like two seconds.
$5 almond chocolate croissant | The Valrhona and almond croissant is a beast to be sure. It was so ridiculously rich and chocked full of thick chocolate filling and frangipane that I could only get through half before surrendering to its decadence. The chocolate filling: you know when you’re eating chocolate chip cookies and you hit one of the melted chip pockets? It’s like that, but an entire schmear. It was almost too sweet, even with the Valrhona. Definitely eat half and keep the other half hidden in the cupboard away from your spouse’s prying eyes, so you can eat it the next morning with coffee.
$5.50 ham and cheese croissant | Good lawrd! Almost six bucks for a croissant. To my surprise, the croissant was warm. I ate it on an uncomfortable wooden chair that my ass swallowed while I stared at the Arguello traffic. And a locksmith that was sitting in his van with the door open like some weird croissant pedophile. The cheese was gooey and the deli ham was okay, but I gave it one tug and all the guts came out with my teeth. Most of my croissant shattered into the bag and I had to tip the bag of crumbs into my mouth like I was eating hot Cheetos. I saw a man dump the crumbs from his bag onto the ground, but that just seemed fucking stupid. That’s like $1 worth of crumbs!
Honestly, I prefer Tartine’s croissants. More honestly, I prefer Manresa Bread. I like my croissant to keep its shape, a little crusty on the bottom so that it holds all of that delicious almond paste. Arsicault’s croissants are hella good, but it gets to the point where you’re just eating buttery ass pieces of crepe paper.
Arsicault Bakery [Inner Richmond]
397 Arguello Blvd
San Francisco, CA 94118