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Gay Men Can Have Toxic Masculinity Too

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Thanks to a clever new ad campaign the topic of toxic masculinity is on many people’s lips. The Gillette commercial shows ‘real men’ grilling, being bullies, objectifying women, everything you imagine toxic masculinity to look like. Except for the fact that the men in the ad are all presented as straight.

That’s fine and all, except what Gillette and most of the world doesn’t see, is that gay men can have toxic masculinity too.

No Fems.

You’ll see that in many bios on Grindr.

Masc only.

You’ll see that too.

Masculinity is automatically associated with all things hetero. Masculine men are viewed as physically stronger, better providers even better lovers. There is the presumption that masculine gay men are ‘tops’ and feminine gay men are ‘bottoms’. Some people need to label things to make themselves feel comfortable. They have to know which one in the relationship is the ‘boy’. Any by ‘boy’ they mean the one who’s doing the fucking and therefore the ‘girl’ is the one getting fucked. It would be bad enough if it was only straight people who felt that way but gay men do too. For some, toxic masculinity is a turn on.

How did this happen?

We all have preferences. Why, though, in our quest for equality with straight people, have some of our gay brothers adopted their gender roles? Why are bottoms on Scruff looking to be made ‘wifey’? Do masculine gay men who only top think that bottoming will make them, um, ‘gay’? Newsflash to all tops- You have a G spot. It’s in your butt. Deal with it and enjoy!

We wanted to be equal but did we want to be the same? Civil unions became gay marriage then just marriage. Congratulations, we’re just like everyone else now. Assume gender roles and wait for further instructions. Let boys be boys and bottom be bottoms.

While straight women are leading a movement against the toxic masculinity that has marginalized them, why is gay culture building apps around it? It’s called TOXIC masculinity not GOOD FOR YOU masculinity.

Listen, I get it, everyone has their ‘thing’. Masculine, feminine, non-binary – there’s a tribe for all of us. However, is emulating the very worst part of straight culture really good for us? You’ll glorify ‘straight acting’ gay men but then talk about your favorite Drag Race queens? Good god girl get a grip.

Here’s a new Grindr bio for ya: “Masculine, straight acting top seeks feminine submissive bottom. I’ll pay for the groceries and you cook the meals. I’ll pat co-worker twinks on the bottom and you’ll roll your eyes disapprovingly. We’ll be just like our grandparents!”

Hooray for equality?

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Joe DeLong - NYC Editor

Joe DeLong - NYC Editor

Former stand up comic, radio show host, mayoral candidate and fetish webcam model. Now I'm the male equivalent of a crazy cat lady.