I can’t tell if I’m waking up or just going to sleep. My drunken stupor has muffled my senses, each coming in and out of focus in a kaleidoscope of sound and touch. I slowly begin to ascend the tiers of sobriety, and as I do, my senses return. There is sound.

Before I even had much sense of what oral sex was (“it’s when you say naughty things into someone else’s ear,” my fellow 6th grader assured me), I knew that going down on a girl was something very unpleasant, something that smelled like fish (turns out Chicken of the Sea is

Step into a world of adventure with the San Francisco Beer Passport. There’s no better way to explore San Francisco than to literally drink it in. This passport is amazing! Each one contains 27 coupons to buy one beer, get a second beer FREE at 27 of the finest locally

Tonight comedian Chris Fairbanks (Comedy Central, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel Live!) will be performing on the weekly show I run at Milk. I’ve been a huge fan of Chris for years now, so getting the chance to perform with him on stage is incredibly exciting for me. Since I still eat pizza out

I drink a lot. Probably too much, but I don’t know where you draw the line when it comes to putting poison in your body, so I’ll just assume it’s in chalk somewhere around your dead body. Coming from a family with a history of addiction, I’m keenly aware of

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

People frequently mistake me for being gay. Certainly much more than they mistake me for being a comedian. But despite the fact that I studied theater in college while working at the Gap, living in the co-ops and sucking dick on the side for money, I am neither gay nor bisexual.

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good

Last week I was given a tour of the Kink.com (NSFW) studios, housed at the San Francisco Armory. If you’re not familiar with Kink, they’re an online porn production company specializing in BDSM and niche categories. I learn by doing, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the tour wasn’t