Broke-Ass Porn: Leftovers
Once a week we present Broke-Ass Porn. It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired. If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought:
It’s the day after Christmas. Your morning dump is your second biggest of the year, second only to the morning after Thanksgiving. I bet you feel better don’t you? But no, the eating still won’t stop. There’s still 1/2 of grandma’s pie left, not to mention all the ham, turkey, bread rolls and whatever else it is that you non Jewish people eat on Baby Jesus’ Birthday. Maybe lasagna? All I know is that there is tons of it leftover and by the time you read this you’ll already be thinking about heating some of it up.
I’ve always said that leftovers are my favorite meal. It’s like, “Hey remember that awesome thing that I ate last night? Wouldn’t it be sweet if I could have it for breakfast? Oh wait, here it is!” And the gorging/greasy grump cycle starts all over again. The people who own gyms are probably looking at catalogs as we speak, trying to figure out what to buy with the guilt money you’re gonna spend on January 2nd. I know I’m already looking in the mirror and thinking. “Stuart, you twisted bastard. Did you really need to eat the entire pumpkin pie at the Alibi’s FREE food spread last night? Couldn’t you have at least saved some of it for that lady with no teeth? It might have been the only thing she would’ve been able to slurp down (not the crust of course).” Well we all know the answer to that don’t we?
So here’s to leftovers and saying “Fuck it! I’m gonna start going to the gym again after New Year’s.” I figure I’ve got at least a week more of bingeing before it starts being considered excessive again.
You Might Also Like
