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New Year’s Eve for East Bay Procrastinators

For weeks now, you’ve been too cool to care about New Year’s plans. Right? Or you’ve just been ridonculously busy with holidays and work and all that stressful shit and never had the time to even consider going out. Either way, it’s possible you’re watching the clock tick by on Saturday and feeling pretty lame that Netflix and takeout are really the only items on your agenda for the biggest party night of the year.

Bad news is Goapele, Primus and all the big, swanky parties are sold out. Good news is there’s still plenty to do if you get a little creative. We’re here to help our lazy brethren escape the shame of staying in with some last-minute East Bay options, ranging from Brazilian to bluegrass to balls – that’s right, balls.

If your idea of pregaming involves working up a sweat, you can head over to Fremont for a “moderate” moonlit hike to the Mission Peak summit hosted by the Sierra Club. Aside from a $4 parking fee, this jaunt is free of charge but does require an RSVP. You can get on that right away at the Meetup page.

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons.

If pollen and comfortable pants aren’t your thing, you can hit the Uptown to get your glitter on with showgirls that know how to party! Tickets still on sale for the 9 p.m. Hubba Hubba Revue’s New Year’s Eve Burlesque Bash. At $25, entry won’t break the bank for a little fun out in Oakland.

Get your Brazilian on at Point San Pablo Harbor with the sounds of Namorados Da Lua and midnight champagne for about $23. Tickets will also get you a light buffet to soak up the open bar options – doors open at 8:30.

Q102 Complex Oakland will still let you in to throw it back for $25/head – couples can save $5 buying together. Beginning at 9 p.m., you’ll get all the fixin’s with DJs, confetti, champagne and photo ops. Score.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com.

Got a taste for Havana? Check out the NYE bash at CAÑA Cuban Parlor and Cafe on Lake Park Avenue, Oakland. Tickets are still available for about $20 until midnight Saturday – so shake your ass to the ticket line quickly for a night of all the grub and groove (and booze) you’d expect from a Cuban party.

The art-meets-debauchery event organizers, Wine and Bowties, bring you Kari Faux, Junglepussy et al. to celebrate the end of this year. You had me at Junglepussy. You can pick up some of the last General Admission tickets for $45 if you move quickly. Show starts at 9 p.m. at Geoffrey’s Inner Circle, Oakland.

If you lean a bit to the Wicca, or you’re just super tired of men and up for a new experience, $50 will buy you a more spiritual kind of night at Humanist Hall in Oakland. The sober, IGNITE 2018 – All Women New Year’s Eve Gala helps raise funds for female empowerment causes, and if you’re really into this idea and can’t afford the ticket, give them a call to work it out. They’re all about getting you the positive experience you crave, even if you’re broke as hell.

For exactly the opposite of the above, you can go for a little junk in your funk by heading over the bridge to the Nob Hill Theatre where tickets are still available for their all-male porn star Erotic Review of 2017. For $25, you get a view of the “ball drop” – a little sexy time may be just what you’ve been missing this year. Doors open at 9 p.m. for those hoping to get as close to the action as possible.

Photo courtesy of Dani Vazquez, Wikimedia Commons.

For a different way to ring in the year, literally, start with bells. Before the clinking and screeching commences, you can peace out to the sounds of Japanese bell-ringing “Joya-e” service until 11 p.m. over at the Buddhist Church of Oakland. It’s free for all, but feel free to leave a donation. Nothing wrong with racking up some good karma points for the New Year.

Want to get classy? Sixty bucks will still get you on board Alameda’s USS Hornet for a Big Band dance party spanning three decks. The price does not include food or drinks, but they do offer free dance lessons and period outfits are encouraged to maximize the experience. Could be cool if Fred Astaire is your jam. Ticket proceeds benefit the museum’s education programs.

If bluegrass is your speed, Cornerstone in Berkeley has got the Brothers Comatose y mas for you. The indie drunkabilly lineup will get your feet stomping and your vibe ready to trip on through 2018. You can still pick up tickets for the 9 p.m. show that’s certain to satisfy your banjo needs.

Photo courtesy of Courtesy of publicdomainpictures.net.

If all else fails, take a ride on BART to just sit back and people watch. There is no better insight into human nature, inspiring and disturbing, than a New Year’s Eve on public transportation. Thankfully, trains are running to and from San Francisco until 3 a.m. New Years Day to keep some of that sloppy off the road. But be sure to check the special schedule so you don’t get stuck standing on a cold platform.

Last, but definitely not least is the Cheers option. Opt for Chucks instead of heels, grab a cheap bite at your favorite taqueria and make your way to the local pub to grab a few beers and good wishes with familiar faces. They may help you avoid going home with a total douchebag, and that’s a plus.

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons.

If you find yourself praying to the porcelain god Monday morning, be thankful you can invest in an officially-legal cannabis cure, conveniently available Jan. 1.

“Good night and good luck.”
Be safe, be happy and be a little ridiculous. Happy New Year’s peeps!

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Nik Wojcik - East Bay Editor

Nik Wojcik - East Bay Editor

Journalist, editor, student, single mom to a pack of wolves, foodie, music lover, resident smart ass, and champion of vulgarity and human kindness.